Brake check- autistic Oscar Piastri, ADHD Lando Norris

15: shoulders drop

Oscar's POV:

I was out on a bike ride when my boxes of sensory toys came in the post so when I got back, Mum had accidentally opened one of them. And of course, it was the box I had been most unsure about and hadn't actually ordered for myself. I was surprised to see that it had turned up the same time as the others.

She was in tears. "Oh Oscar, I'm just, I'm just happy you're happy."

"Of course I'm happy Mum, I'm sorry I couldn't have been like this years ago." I was sorry. I'd thought about it last night, I should have told Mum. No point now, but then, I should have just said something.

"Well it just musn't have been the right time. But now it is and I'm sorry for getting so emotional, I just, they made think about all those we had to throw away."

"Did I really hate them that much?"

"No, not until that kid said something. He was a nasty one, constantly bullying one kid or another." She paused, sniffing and wiping her eyes slightly. "We'd had a rough week and the minute you were in the kart, you were fine, hyperfocused like hell." I was surprised she knew what that meant but she brushed over it like it was normal and kept talking. "But for the rest of the weekend it was a difficult one. I had only just got you calmed down with the ear defenders on and then this kid comes over and starts calling you a baby. I know it's bad, but it took everything for me not to just slap him!"

"Mum!"

"No, you don't remember it. I watched you rip the ear defenders of your head, break them in half, which was difficult to do, I certainly wouldn't have been able to do it, and then you just shut down. You sat on the floor and we couldn't move you. No matter what we did, nothing would get you up. In the end, your dad carried you to the car and we went home early. When you woke up in the morning you were back to normal but every time we went karting after, or really anywhere that wasn't home, it was like you were holding your breath. You broke any other pair of ear defenders we offered and if you ever had a sensory overload or a meltdown you waited until we got home and then all hell would break loose."

"But how could I hold it in like that?" I asked, sort of already knowing the answer to that question. That's what I'd been doing for years now, but I still didn't know how I did it.

"We don't know either. We talked to psychologists, your teachers, doctors, everyone! They said that because you held it all in, you must be able to and that it meant nothing was wrong. They said it was attention seeking." I blushed. "You'll be pleased to know we didn't believe them. Not when we could see how much pain you were in. I wish I'd pushed more now, got a diagnosis earlier but-"

"Don't blame yourself Mum, it wasn't your fault. Thank you for not believing them." She wiped her tears and nodded. I really didn't blame her and I hoped she truly understood that.

"Now, are you going to put them on?" She gestured to the bright orange ear defenders, complete with my initials, racing number and McLaren branding. Kim had had them sent out to Australia for me so I could 'get used to them'. I took them from her carefully and put them on. Instantly, the world went quiet and peaceful and my shoulders dropped.

Mum came round to hug me, running her fingers through the hair on the back of my neck. "You look so handsome," she said, her voice slightly muffled and she played with my fringe, setting it back in place and laughing when it sprung forward because of the way the ear defenders were sat on my head.

"Thanks Mum." I half whispered, hugging her again. I felt safe and loved and all those feelings of worry about the fact that little me had been well, more difficult than I remembered, just ebbed away. Why had I not given myself this years ago?