𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 || 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬 [paused]

MEMORIES | m.s ★

pairing: bf!matt x f!reader

summary: it has been a year since you passed away, and matt still hasn't been able to move on from his feelings for you but when he cleans his room, he stumbles upon a box filled with memories of you.

warning: use of y/n, upsetting for some people, crying, swearing, mention of overdosing.

a/n: not my photos, on pinterest. sorry about this one and I'm shit at making sad ones so lemme know!

WORDS: 1.1k

@huhmiya on tumblr

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The last time Matt saw you was a year ago now, when you overdosed due to the overwhelming stress in your life, feeling like it would be better to leave this world.

It pains him every time he witnesses happy couples around him, either in person or on social media, as it reminds him of the happiness he once shared with you. He longs to feel your touch again, even if it's just a hug.

His eyes always well up with tears when he thinks of you. Sometimes, he still comes across edits or photos of you, as people still associate you as his girlfriend from that time.

Each memory of you makes his heart ache more and more, knowing you're no longer here due to a senseless reason.

The idea that you overdosed because you didn't feel attractive or thought you were a bad person is something he can't comprehend, nor can others.

A tear rolls down his cheek as he reminisces about you, a small sob escaping his lips. Despite trying to appear strong by wiping away his tears and pushing away the thoughts, the pain lingers within him.

His brothers never understood why Matt couldn't move on, but they also never truly experienced the depth of love that Matt felt for you. He believed that you and him were soulmates.

Sitting alone in his room, attempting to hold back tears, Matt noticed the mess left behind from a night of gaming with his brothers.

As he surveyed the chaos, his gaze fell upon an empty soda can, a simple object that triggered memories of you, as you used to enjoy that particular drink.

A mixture of frustration and sadness overwhelmed him, leading him to groan and slap his head in an effort to suppress his emotions and prevent himself from breaking down once more.

In a moment of quiet reflection, Matt scrutinized himself, feeling foolish for being so affected by seemingly insignificant reminders of you.

These small triggers often brought him to tears, leaving him feeling vulnerable and powerless.

All that weighed heavily on his mind was the memory of the last day before you passed away. He had been recording a YouTube video and, upon finishing, he checked his phone to message you.

Instead, he found your heartfelt message expressing your love for him and bidding a final goodbye. In a rush, he drove to your place only to discover you lifeless body on the bathroom ground, having arrived too late.

"Fucking stupid, I'm- FUCK," he yelled in anguish. He often wished he could turn back time to forget filming the YouTube video that day, then potentially saving you in time.

However, he grappled with feelings of guilt for prioritizing the video over you, though deep down he knew it wasn't his fault as he was unaware of the tragedy unfolding.

The memory of your tender touch lingered in his mind – the way your lips met his in a dreamlike embrace, the security he felt in your arms, the sound of your laughter that always brought him joy.

He cherished the way you touched him, a sensation that surpassed any other. He yearned for those moments but, above all, he longed for you.

He heard a knock on the door and found his brother looking confused. As he heard his brother shout, he felt compelled to check up on him.

"Are you alright? You're crying," Nick asked. All he had done was come to the kitchen to grab a Dr. Pepper, but he heard his brother shouting at himself.

Matt remained silent before nodding, not wanting to cry or let his voice crack. Nick simply nodded slowly and smiled gently before closing the door.

He wasn't going to argue with Matt, especially when it was clear he was crying, even though Matt would deny it.

As time passed, Matt was on his phone. He didn't dare go on social media, knowing he might see something that would make him cry, like a photo of you on his feed.

He then reached for his headphones and played his favorite songs from a playlist he made that wouldn't remind him of you, so he wouldn't cry.

Feeling the need to clear his mind, he started tidying up. Despite lacking motivation, he pushed himself to clear the rubbish and put things back in their place.

His knuckles bore small wounds from punching things in anger over the day you passed away. He had tried everything to save you, but the ambulance arrived too late, and you were already gone.

Glancing at his closet, he noticed a box teetering on a high shelf, out of reach due to his stature. Using a chair, he carefully retrieved it.

Upon placing the mysterious black box now on his bed, his thoughts became consumed by it, neglecting the tidying of his room.

Opening it felt like a ton of bricks, flooding him with memories that constricted his throat. He removed his headphones, allowing Kid Cudi's music to continue playing in the background faintly by how loud he has his music.

Though hesitant, he reached for a small book with his handwriting on it. It held memories of his life with you during high school, as he had stopped creating such books post graduation, yet held onto the memories of you before you died.

He began to read them, recalling the events as if they had just happened yesterday. A slight smile played on his lips as he delved deeper into the pages.

His handwriting was messy yet legible, reflecting a mix of emotions as he settled into his bed, turning the pages with care.

The small collection of books resembled a diary, filled with memories of both you and him, accompanied by numerous photos of the two of you.

Certain words struck him deeply, he had even penned down potential names for the children you both dreamt of having.

Your approval had brought him joy and he remembered it, though a hint of sadness crept in as he fought back tears, moved by the bittersweet memories.

"Please come back, y/n," a tear slid down his cheek, a yearning for your presence persisting despite knowing you had passed away in his arms a year prior.

Though he struggled to find solace in anything after your departure, he held onto the hope that you had found peace and happiness in the afterlife.