me & my soul whatever

The date 1 September 2024

One the day of 1 September I experienced, the best rain of my life. before  1 September I have been suffering from anxiety and I got hospitalized ,after that ,the worst & also good 4 days I spend in the hospital .a very painful experience of me not able to breathe properly because of anxiety. there are some certain things going with me at that time.some time I don't understand but I understand one thing that I am the problem in every relationship(family, friends)I had in my life time . After that I felt  sorry for   myself. But I never thought of dying because these things are normal for everyone. But for me its hard and suffocating now I know why people suicide because of depression ,but never mind I'm not doing anything like that. But  sometimes I feel like why these things hard. Now I believe the circle of life, sometimes happy, good  terms some time bad terms. it's okay it's life every adult person said ,this thing to each other. However after a brutal heart break I don't understand the feeling of love but I understand the conection with some one . I'm very afraid of having a relationship with some one beautiful it's always leaves you with heart break a pretty lies and petty face' mm forget about it. Every other thing in this world gonna end in very brutal way and I know this is life and how it is work. On the September 1st I experienced the best rain of my life actually, I went to buy some novels (twisted series) the shop only open on Sundays. so I went there I bought the last two parts of the series twisted lies and twisted hate . And after that it's starts raining I was thinking that time should I stay here till rain stops or should I just go with the flow soo I did . I just throw my novels in my Jupiter's boot and my purse and phone . actually I had one more thing to purchase thaat time so just thinking what to do in that heavy rain so I just  took the risk for the best experience of my life and it was worth it.and I genuinely loved it. so whatever, I just picked my Jupiter and I went to buy my hair serum in very heavy rain I was riding in a very fast speed than I remember I want everything  to remember because  I easily forget everything.soo after that I was eventually riding slowly and the weather was like my heart like dark grey ,dullness and the clouds has their own colour like black and  grey and their half parts are dark blue.  The fog was like my heart and my mind they have their different rain of thoughts and storms of confusions and not understanding things just like in real life. the clouds  that felt the same way . the first time I felt that way and noticed every details.  because of the heart break??or the  guilt of some things which I don't wanna share?? the drops of the rain feels like I'm in my different world. In the heavy rain and fog every one got blurry vision but I'm just admiring the Beauty and suddenly the lana del rey's song lyrics comes into my mind " in the Strom I stay clear cause i've got my mind + eyes  on you." the sound of the thunders rumbling  never sounds so good, I felt like I'm living the life that I have  always wanted. but  got it for the short time. the heavy drops of rain revived my  top which was completely see through but gladly I had my scarf for cover up because I just went in hurry to buy a novels so in result my lower t-shirt completely became wet but those wetness of my clothes felt like a good place on Earth ( I don't know what I'm writing I'm just  going with the flow)  every other people  goes under the roof of shop to stay safe and waiting for rain to stop. and after they will go.but I saw  them  and thought why these people missing this beautiful creation of God just come, in  the rain  and enjoy. who know's what will happen tomorrow what if they can't get a chance to enjoy the rain what if some thing bad happn. lots of questions came in my mind but I thought that every people have their own things Goin on and their own thoughts maybe they be calling me careless because of my action, because the thunder rumbling scared every one including me too but they never sounds so good in my life time. Pouring in the rain I almost forgot that I have a family they're calling non stop but it's okay something taking risk for good is worthy. I know they I'll punish me after that because they have thought the same like other people. I just said " people " the most beautiful yet so ugly by heart and mind creation. After that rain I'm seeing everything differently I'm noticing every little detail of reality and the creation of God  unbeatable yet so good. he gave life to us and everything  that a man wanted but they always missused god's creation. In this world I have got to know that the wildest animal on earth are humans. I know every people said that and we are all animals in humans form and some of them are monsters in humans form. After all these stuffs I got to know that everything happens for a reason and that's why God created those things which gives life to man .