Was It Always Us? | COMPLETED ✔

𝙴𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝙰𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢

I didn't get why he was angry as he stormed off inside the building. I mean, yes, I should have told him, but it wasn't intentional. He was making a big deal out of nothing, despite the fact that it was me who should've been mad at him. The whole 'Man of Honor' thing was idiotic, and I didn't know whether to blame his stupidity or Amy herself. Amy, Amy, Amy. Somehow, she always ended up becoming a part of our conversations, and I sort of didn't like it. And now we were fighting, and it was, yet again, all her fault.

I threw my bag aside when I entered, and I didn't even look around before heading to my room and shutting the door. Thankfully, Atlas was in the washroom. I looked around for a little private space where I could try to collect my thoughts, but there was none. We just had two rooms, ours and Josh's. And there was the living room, kitchen, and balcony. My eyes fell on the almirah, and I hurried towards it. It wasn't very stuffy, and it had plenty of space, like a walk-in closet. I took my phone and a pillow and closed the door behind me.

I sat in the darkness, turned on the flashlight and just sat there, surrounded by endless racks of clothes and so many other things which didn't really matter. I was sorry. I really was. But the fact that he didn't seem apologetic irked me. He was never, ever this irrational. Then how come he had changed all of a sudden?

I didn't quite understand what was going on with Amy and Atlas. They seriously seemed close. But it wasn't something I was worried about. I mean, Amy had just gotten engaged to Ryle. It was complicated, but no matter how much Atlas changed, I knew he'd rather die than hurt me. Or would he?

How can you be sure of such things? How can you know who to trust, and which relationships of your will last? How can you comprehend the future, and not live in fear of what tomorrow might bring? The darkness suddenly became all too much, like a vacuum that wanted to suck me until I became a part of it. I scratched at my chest, and ran a hand through my hair. My fingers lingered on my collarbone, and even though I couldn't see it, I knew the heart printed there, on my skin. The heart he gave to me, as a reminder, as a promise. And it saddened me that sometimes I saw him break that promise, albeit ignorantly. Then again, we weren't teenagers anymore. So many things had changed.

Too much, all at once.

It was hard to say when it all started. When all of this became so...messy. It was easier when we were young. I was more delusional, more optimistic. I felt like I could face anything. Do anything. But now, I'd set limits. Too many of them as well. I was hopeful that things would get better, of course, but I was scared, too. I remembered the vows Atlas had spoken on our wedding day. Would we end up becoming a statistic, too? Would our marriage be one of the many featured on surveys about divorce and the reasons behind it? The truth was, I didn't know. I didn't know where life would take me, where it would take us. And that was a little overwhelming.

Amy, Ryle, Atlas, Alyssa, my mom, everything. 

It was sometimes overwhelming.

But I couldn't catch a break. 

***

I fell asleep in the closet.

Yes, you heard that right.

Atlas found me there, cuddling with one of his coats, the pillow fixed behind my head. He said I was snoring, too, but I don't really believe him, to be honest. I don't know when I dozed off. But I had been tired, and my overthinking had only drained me more. I groaned, and muttered insensibly when he tried to shake me awake. Eventually, he half dragged me out of there and brought me to the bed, but by then, my sleepiness was gone. I struggled out of his grip and sat on the edge of the mattress, my arms folded over my chest in a defensive stance. Though I knew I wouldn't have to defend myself in front of him. He would never give me a reason to do that.

He wouldn't meet my eyes, but then he cleared his throat.

"I, um, talked to Amy." he spoke, and I was surprised to find his voice a little hoarse. It sounded nice, though. Yet, I couldn't really focus on it, because we'd circled back to the one big so-called problem in our lives again:

Amy Fowler.

"We're not doing that 'Man of Honor' thing. Ryle wasn't very stoked either, so she said it would be enough if I attended. It's the thought that counts."

"Good for you. And her. And me."

"Err, I...well, I wanted to tell you something."

"Are you apologizing?"

His eyes grew cold all of a sudden, and the blue was shrouded by a mist that didn't let me delve into his mind and read his thoughts.

"No." he said, point blank. I admit I was a little offended.

"I've started making the funeral arrangements. It's going to be held as soon as the doctors give the word. I just took Josh there, while you were...sleeping."

"Oh. Oh. I-um, okay."

I felt emotionally blackmailed, but I couldn't help feel a little sorry.

"Are you gonna be attending?" he asked.

"The wedding?" I replied.

"No, the funeral."

"What kind of stupid question is that? You're my husband, of course I'm gonna attend!"

I thought I saw a small glimpse of a smile there, but it disappeared really quickly.

"Husband, huh?" he teased.

"Unfortunately, you're legally my consort, so I can't really help it."

"You're the one who said 'I do'."

"And I regret it since that very moment."

"Do you?"

"What if I say yes?"

"I know you wouldn't."

"How?"

"Because I know you, Lily. Maybe even better than I know myself."

"Your sweet talking isn't going to buy your way out of this one."

"We'll see."

"I love you, Atlas."

"I know. And that's enough."

"Is it? What if-?"

"What if everything does go right?"

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

"I don't. But I know this time shall pass, too."

I scooted closer, and hugged him.

"You didn't apologize." he spoke.

"Don't push it." I laughed, and I could feel his heartbeat quicken, too.

And that was enough.

***

Not much to say, except a thank you for 6.5K views and a request that you guys show a little more appreciation by upvoting the chapters. It seriously only takes a second. Sutton's death will already have happened by the next chapter, and we're gonna begin with Atlas's POV, straight at the funeral, with a little flashbacks to explain the gap in between.

 *unedited*

*1050 words or something*