AWAY FROM REACH

CHAPTER 1: BEING SOCIAL

I personally hate the month of May. Hot Air, scorching sun and a dried up heart with vague grievances,this month is really a disaster. Lying on my hot bed, mostly like a deathbed in the summers, I was thinking about my future. Most probably, the fan on my ceiling is also asking me the same question in a crackling tone,
"Is there a happy life for me in the future or will I be just a broke individual?"

Believe me or not there is a rigged world outside. They will not give a fuck about you when you are at your worst but somehow you have to be the best version of yourself for the sake of your responsibilities. Because no one misses an opportunity to tease you for your failure. As an 18 year old boy like me this is more likely an over-matured statement but when failure hits you, you can't help it. I am very tired of this world.

Uhhh! This fucking weather is devastating my mental health. I am losing my mind.Sweats popping out from my abs and forehead, making the scenario worse.Sigh!! I don't know why but nowadays I feel more depressed than usual. Maybe it is the effect of excessive heat waves, not in the environment but in my heart. I often asked myself,"Is my aura fading up?"

"Hey! Broooo!! Move your ass from that fucking bed and bring some ice-cream for me, you fatty boy."

My Sister never disappoints me when it comes to roasting each other. But! But! but!!!!!! Has she called me fatty?
Oh!No ..... A fit, daily gym going person shouldn't be called fatty, it hurts my ego. Whatever I am too frustrated to go outside in this 44°C temperature. So, I told her,

"If you want ice cream then go and buy it yourself. I am not going anywhere, you dumbass."

Disobeying her and giving each other slang all the time is our love language. Then she left my room muttering more slang as usual.In this pitiful world, only my sister is very close to me.Since 2021, she has been living in our flat in Kolkata and comes home very occasionally. She just came here yesterday to enjoy Sunday mutton curry at home. She was my first partner in childhood.I can do anything for my elder sister.We made lots of memories together but I think she is now going far away from me. I think she is very busy with her own life. She will leave tomorrow.

It's been like only 3 days ago I was crying like a baby for my failure in my competitive exam for medical entrance. I was so pissed off that my sister couldn't stop me from crying.All my efforts during these 2 years were basically useless. I feel that I am like a burden to my parents. From my point of view, I am an unemployed man who is obsessed with big dreams but doesn't know how to fulfill those dreams.But still I just wanna leave all these shits and cry alone but as a man I can't be a crybaby for the rest of my life. My sister was always by my side giving me good advice. I remember she even gave me advice upon a relationship,

"Listen, Bro, these girls in your generation are basically a whore material and they will ruin your mental peace. So, stay away from these girls and social media also."

From my point of view and witnessing the kind of love life my classmates were enjoying, I thought she was right. And yes she was.Maybe she understood more about girls in our generation or she was so experienced in this matter that she knew love at a young age could ruin my life.

I remember during my early childhood, I saw my sister was being brutally beaten up by my dad frequently for her affairs with a school guy at a very early age. He even broke my favourite umbrella to beat my sis. I always thought she deserved it.Even I tried to prevent her from those kind of early relationships but all my efforts were all in vain. She always took the wrong track for herself.Now she is giving me advice for my love life. What a joke!!So, I thought dating as a minor is not preferable. Seeing all these kinds of incidents happening in my own household, I was clear to myself that I will not be in a relationship until I pass out from my school. But days passed by and my urge to meet and chat with girls grew even stronger.