Hydrophobia

I amble across the shore dangling between life and death.There is always something about the waves that intrigued me, their majestic beauty masking their viscious nature. Waltsing in the moonlight, each wave licked my feet before hesitantly pouring away. It paralyses me with fear.The mild tingle of water resonates in my mind,syncing to my heartbeat until it wretches me apart. And yet I come, everyday, everytime it summons.

From a very young age I had a great fear of water.Hydrophobia, I think they call it. When my friends had free time they would go out and play,but me? No, I would lock myself in the bathroom , turn the tap on, and stare at the twirling water, never daring to touch it. Try to figure out why it had such a connection with me. A connection of fear and pleasure, comfort and danger, life and death.

I got up form the sand and checked the time- 1:30 am. Time to go. As I went I left footprints behind me, by morning they are always devoured by the sea...

By the time I got to bed it was 2:20 am. My sleep came in broken fragments and in the end I was drawn into a hazy dream..
I was alone... alone in a field. A field of long, unmowed grass. I surveyed the horizon to find haystacks....maybe this was a farm.I foung myself twirling in the grass, my arms stretching up to the sky.A feeling of pleasure rippled through my body as I extended my arms to the rich azure canvas hovering above me. Suddenly, I tripped and came crashing down. What I fell onto was not grass, but a pool of icy cold water.

I awoke with sweat leaking down my face. My heart was pounding like it was being struck with a hammer, and I was gasping in agony. I couldn't breathe! Calming myself down, I tumbled out of bed: I needed to get out. NOW. I stumbled outside hyperventilating the fresh air. Something was bothering me. Something pricking at the back of me mind and what I saw was only half of it...and what it was would haunt me for the rest of my life.

I threw on an overcoat and readied myself a short walk. My mind was a kaladiescope of haunting shattered memories and I needed to piece it together, even though I didn't dare to face the complete picture. I walked for hours exploring grounds that I had never seen before. Until I saw something that made me lie DEAD on my spot....something that made my breath choke in my lungs as I let out a faint gasp. The field of my dreams....

After several moments of utter disbelif, I finally gathered enough courage to investigate. Everything was the same, the haystacks, the placid pond in the centre. I was overcome by numbness. My body rattled , my insides liquefying, as I approached the field step by step.

There's something about this place....
CLICK! My mind spiralled into a myriad of images. I focused, straining, writhing in pain.The pure cyan sky dulled to a shade of macabre grey and hushed voices filled my ears,loud enough to be heard above my piecing scream.I collapsed onto my knees, clutching my head in agony......men...men dressed in white, they were everywhere, carrying loads, whipped by solders. Poverty, innocent children crying, the harsh commands of the soldiers.IT ALL SPIRALLED IN MY MIND. A pile of clothes, covered in muck, men marching into buildings.CLICK!

Realisation dawned on me. It was so obvious: I lived here once, I worked here once. Until one day my religion made me pay. It was here I last touched water. It was here I had my last shower. That ANY Jew would have.