His smile

New school. New neighborhood. New friends. Same old same, nothing ever changed my entire life. I have also been moving. But this time it was different from the others.

I hated moving, I hated having to make new friends, and I hated that my parents constantly made us move. But more than anything I despised part of myself, my existence, my purpose, and the very reason I continued to live. I can't seem to love myself, who will?

That changed although..

On the first day of school, I arrived and made it to my class. Everyone had assigned seats I was assigned to this boy. I went over and sat on my seat. I glanced at him and he smiled at me. Something inside me lit up like a bulb flickering to life. His smile was so contagious and so full of life. His blue eyes were like happiness filled with joy and glisten that just a glance could lift anyone's day. So alluring and captivating.

He said, "Hi." Hi? A boy wants to talk to me? He doesn't think I'm weird? Does he actually want to talk to me? My mind raced with questions, and I could feel my heart beating a little faster. I mumbled, "Hi," trying to keep my voice steady.

"How are you?"

He's asking about my day. No boy has ever asked me about my day before. It felt strange but nice. I wasn't invisible. but his eyes were sincere, his smile was infectious and genuine. My thoughts tangled as I tried to find the right words, but all I could manage was, "I'm good."

I asked him how he was doing in return, it seemed simple but was more than simple to me. His response was so genuine. His voice was so serene and radiant that I could listen to him all day, lost in its enchanting tone. Throughout the whole day of school, I was so lost in his beauty and his smile. I love his smile.

after school, we chatted the entire day, and when he asked me out to join him at the park, I eagerly accepted. I felt at a loss for words, feeling exhilarated and thrilled that he asked me out. I quickly got dressed and met him at the park. From a distance, he seemed to glow, lighting the way to me. We laughed with joy and chatted with genuine joy. It was comforting, and for the first time, I felt truly loved and able to love myself somehow. He made me happier than anyone ever has. I love him..?

The next day, I received a heart wrenching text from his mother: "My son has unfortunately passed away." Just when I believed I found true and pure love, it felt as though all the joy and hope had been stripped away, leaving me with nothing but profound pain and sorrows and scars. I'd never be able to see his genuine and contagious smile and his comforting blue eyes that open a path to me. Yesterday was the last time I'd ever see him and hear his voice.

What if I just joined him? So I can see his smile once again.