LASSITUDE

27

7/09/24

i think for the moment i have completely lost any creative thought or talent i used to have

i can't
even sit down
and write anything
that wont make my head hurt
from how
stupid
it sounds

(example of my last effort at making this diary vent look at the very least fine)

and it's not like anything about my mental health had changed for such change to happen in this too
(i heard people can get super creative or lose creativeness if they get worse/better, all is possible)

i actually can't even stay
at home without going crazy
(i can't tell them anything without them thinking it's a joke but or a lie. i never gave them any reason to think so. they don't know me at all.)

i can't cry fully anymore
it always gets to a point where i do feel like it and my eyes do water but i can never let out the emotions and everything feels so pent up that i am at constant stress

like an animal being hunted for sport
;skull emoji;

also i keep getting played like a FIDDLE by my friend
every time i think it's the last and they changed - i am always wrong
it's always when i am needed that we are 'friends'

i know that after all the good words they can stop communication without feeling a thing
sometimes i really hate this person
like really

if only i could remember this whenever they acted nice.

this few days i have been hearing songs i used to listen to during 7th and 8th grade and it genuinely hurts

associating songs with moments will never not be my downfall

i have no patience
( i never had any)