good luck, babe! - lynn loud

you all over me

the silence and comfort of her own room surrounded lynn as she layed in her bed, just like shed done for the past 2 hours. well it wasnt actually very comforting because the only thing it did was drive her a bit crazy. 

she knew she had practise later, so she dragged herself up and got changed. there was a pair of headphones laying out in the hall, so she took the opportunity to borrow them from whoever owned them. 

lynn never really listened to music other than when luna was basically forcing the whole house to listen to her play by putting the loudspeaker on full volume when she was practicing. luna had however tried to get her into music and made her a playlist with a million songs she said she thought shed like, but lynn was just pretty sure it was all random.

the first song that played was do i wanna know? by arctic monkeys. based off the beat, she didnt mind it. she was never the type to pay attention to lyrics, thats probably why she didnt really get taylor swift. she had to skip 6 songs in a row that was by her, but when the seventh one came on she didnt bother to skip. hits different.

just like the other songs she listened to, she thought it was fine. there was nothing that really stood out to her, but she couldnt help but pay attention to the line that reminded her so of the girl she really didnt want to think about. 

they say that if its right, you know. each bar plays our song, nothing has ever felt so wrong.

even if it wasnt exactly a bar or a song that brought her back to nessa, but how everything reminded her of the girl. first and maybe worst of all was she knew nessa loved taylor, but also the park she walked past everyday to get to school where they used to sit on children swings, or the lake in the opposite direction where she loved to go so much. 

even at practise her mind wouldnt give her a break. she stared at the empty stands where she used to see nessa at least twice a week. it was like she was haunted by her, and no amount of freedom got the remainings of nessa off her. she was still all over her.

nessa walked around with music blasting in her headphones. of course listening to THE breakup album. her fingers tapped along to the beat against her thigh as the title track started playing. red. 

unlike lynn, nessa was big on lyrics. she loved listening to songs on a deeper level then just the beat of it. exept for right now. every single lyric reminded her of lynn, like the song was written about them and she hated it, because that meant another song was ruined.

she couldnt help but wonder, when if lynn just never looked at her with a 'dont you wish you had me' grin, because nessa really did, so she hung on and now she had to suffer the consequences. but she didnt exactly regret it either, because the months she spent with lynn all felt worth it. no matter how much she had hurt her, loving her didnt feel like a waste. she just wished it didnt end the way it did.

lynns motivation to go to school was really dead, even tho it was only 3 days left before break. but that didnt stop the teachers from starting on completely new topics that nobody was going to remember when they were back. 

"did something happened between you and vanessa?" inez asked, brushing her fingers through her red hair before putting it back up. "no" lynn replied simply and shortly, shrugging her shoulders. the two other athletes looked at each other with questioning expressions on their faces. margo hesitated a little, but decided to speak up. "i heard someone say youre together" she bit her lip inward waiting for an answer. 

"we werent!" lynn shot back, like the question pushed a button, immediately making her angry. "so something did happen?" inez lifted her brows, trying to meet her eyes, but lynn had no plans that included looking back at her. "when did i say that?" lynn said calmer, distracting herself from getting angry by playing with the sleeve on her shirt. "you said werent" margo tilted her head. "yeah, why not arent?" the redhead backed. "you know im bad at grammar" lynn mumbled loud enough for them to hear, just hoping to get out of the conversation.

like the universe read her mind, the bell rang so she no longer had to come up with an excuse to leave, but on her way back she was stopped by a familiar face she recognized as augustine. they had never spoken, but nessa had told alot about her, not necessary all good stuff either. "i dont think vanessa is feeling too well, you should go talk to her" augustine tilted her head, asking like they were best friends, but anyone could see how she was fighting back a smile. "hows that any of my concern?" lynn asked coldly, reiciving a laugh from the redhead in front of her. "youre funny you know, but theres no need to lie, everybody knows" 

"i really dont know what youre talking about" lynn shrugged nonchalantely, acting as if she wouldnt knock her down if she had her baseball bat there. "oh you know the way youre lesbians for each other?" if lynn was honest, she was kinda offended by this, because she really didnt want to be identified as a lesbian. no words or sentences she formed in her head made sense, so she said the first thing that came to mind. "screw you" augustine fake gasped and put a hand over her heart, pretending to be hurt by it. "ouch"

pretty much everybody had gone into their classrooms, but one of the few people that saw this was nessa. and as much as she wanted to ignore it, she walked up to them. "just leave her alone" she rolled her eyes at augustine, feeling lynns eyes burn a hole in her head. "and she even comes to save the day!" augustine clapped her hands together, speaking in a fake tone that made nessas ears burn. after a good 5 seconds of silence she held her hands up and backed away. "fine, have fun"

both the other girls stood there watching as she walked out before lynn spoke. "why are you defending me?" her voice was anonymous and nessa couldnt quite read in what way she meant it. still she replied with what was on her mind. "because i care about you and shes an idiot" her eyes searched for just a look of understanding or pity in hers, but they were just as nameless as her voice. 

"you dont need to do that, i can do it myself" lynn sounded bothered, like she just wanted to get away from the girl. "could we just talk please?" nessa heard the desperation in her own voice and how stupid she sounded, but she knew she had to try. she couldnt help but feel disappointed when she shook her head. "im sorry vanessa" she said, a change of tone in her voice as she turned to walk away. vanessa? no, that couldnt be. lynn always called her nessa.

 "lynn, please" she tried once again, but she just turned around, saying the 5 words she never belived shed hear from her.

"i dont love you anymore"

 nessa stared at her with blank eyes in a lack of words. her lower lip quivered and she fought back so the tears threatening to spill wouldnt. luckily the hall was empty so no one saw how she had to walk over to the lockers to support herself after she had left.

maybe all the time she spent loving lynn was a waste?

A/N

feeling like breaking hearts lately

is it just me or does everything go more downhill every chapter

but i hope you enjoyed!! (if thats possible)

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