The Religious & The Damaged (UNDER EDITING)

18

Joseph

  I wake up at the feeling of my body being held tight, and it hurts.

  It's hard to not gasp for air because it quite literally feels like my ribs are so incredibly weak right now.

  I open my eyes and I'm face to face with the wall, but I look down and see Elias' arm around me.

  My heart skips a beat and my cheeks burn.

  As much as my mind wants me to shove him off the bed and curse at him, my heart wants me to be selfish—for once in my life, and enjoy it.

  I want that too, so I turn slowly, and just in case, I close my eyes to make it seem as if I'm still asleep and I wrap an arm around him and our faces are inches apart before he unconsciously leans into me and his head falls against my chest.

  And it makes my heart race and flutter all at the same time, but I can't ignore the sense of disgust and shame creep into my heart as I hold him now.

  And with realizing that I can never be with him like this consciously, it makes me feel sick and a little sad.

  I've already put him through so much, and I can never come to terms with what I am.

  So, I'll just enjoy this for now—while I can.

  I lean into him and take in his scent; it's comforting, it's warm.

  He smells of old spice and a bit like cigarettes, but it doesn't bother me as much as I thought because it smells of him.

  I lift my head and glance at the clock that's shaped like a star on the nightstand next to the bed, and it's nearing 3pm.

  I've never slept in this long before. I was never allowed to.

  I feel vibration beneath me, and it makes me flinch at the sudden feel of it.

  I don't want to move, but I do.

  I take my arm from around him, then I move his arm as carefully as I possibly can, but I still seem to wake him. My eyes grow wide and heat rises to my cheeks in an instant.

  He looks at me and blinks a few times before realizing that he's awfully close to me and he reverts his gaze back up at me from the little space between us, and he leans back.

  "I'm sorry if I was too close."

  "It was nice."

  My heart drops.

  Did I just say that?

  A smile begins to grow on his face as I stammer like an idiot. "I-I mean, I-"

  "It's okay, Joseph." He says, and I stare at him—stunned and flustered. "I don't mind."

  I gulp hard as the nervousness never ends, in fact it only grows.

  "How do you feel?" He asks, and his eyes fall as he examines me, then he's looking into my wide eyes again.

  I exhale shakily in an effort to calm myself down, and I do, just enough to answer his question.

  "I.. I still feel really sore, but I feel a little better." I say.

  He smiles. "I'm glad you feel better."

  I stare at him because I don't really know what to say, then I remember why I sat up. I glance down and move to collect my phone from my front pocket and I look at the text from Kelsey.

  You guys up? 2:56pm.

  "You have a phone?" He sounds happy and excited as he asks this, and I look up.