Forbidden Love

Chapter 1

"I was just telling your auntie Karoline that there's a nice young man at the church I think would suit you very well" Mother declared as she scrambled around the kitchen making dinner for what seemed the whole neighbourhood which had me rolling my eyes even more so as I tapped my foot off the floor to try and keep calm.

Growing up with religious parents had given me anxiety, depressed, PTSD and also a lot of shame due to their beliefs on how men and women should be and act. They were very old school meaning, no sex before marriage, no living with someone before marriage, the man provides and the woman brings up the kids and keeps the home clean, you know, the normal misogyny that occurs in the world on a daily basis which I despised. I had a lot of resentment also towards my parents for making me go to the church when I didn't want too, even when I told them about the creepy elders that resided in there but they didn't bat an eyelid, as if to say it was a normal occurrence that shouldn't be spoken about ever to anybody. It instilled a lot of fear into me which still is very much alive right now.

"I've told you mother, I don't need to be dating right now. Yes, I'm 25 but it's my choice. I'm not ready" I said sternly making both of them turn their noses up at me in disgust at the fact I didn't want to settle down, have kids and spend my life in the church. I knew from a very early age that it wasn't for me and decided to go down more of the spiritual route which would kill my parents if they knew but I knew what was best for me, even if I didn't have the balls to voice it yet.

"At your age? I didn't get a choice and I was 16. My mother and father spoke with your fathers parents and that was that" mother declared, nose still turned up as she glanced towards auntie Karoline who was nodding in agreement.

"The kids of today have no respect or manners don't you think?" She continued saying as if I'd vanished into thin air so I decided to get my things together so I could make my way home. I'd had enough of being judged but I wasn't ready to come out with my big secret yet. It would literally have them on their death bed judging me until they passed. It just didn't feel like the right time, but when was, was all that ran through my mind.

"And where do you think your going?" Mother bawled making me scoff under my breath as I placed my phone into my bag and proceeded to walk to the kitchen door.

"I don't have to sit here and listen to this. I don't live here remember so I'll phone you later" I replied, cutting the conversation short so I could scurry to the front door and breath again. My heart was racing and I could feel myself slowly rushing with anxiety which would take forever to get rid of but I already knew what kick started it, it was my parents and I was getting to a stage that my health was way more important. It was started to affect my mental health along with my physical health to the point of exhaustion so I had to find a way through this or out of it. For a minute I stood at the end of the drive way to take in the fresh air with my eyes closed. Nature always spoke to me and always led me towards the path of peace. It was something I craved from all the comfortability in chaos that I endured growing up and I wasn't going to let anybody take that away from me, especially conditioned parents that were set in their ways.

"And where do you think your going Christina?" Is all I heard making me snap my posture straight and look straight towards my father. He was a very stern and authoritative man, somebody that used his head over his heart which showed through out life and was never going to change. He still felt like he could control me even though I hadn't been under his roof for years. He even has people watching my every movement and reporting back to him too which boils my blood at the thought of no privacy unless I was in my own home. It was no way to live.

"I'm going home. I told mother I will phone her later. I really don't feel like socialising right now"

"I don't care what you want. You get back in that house and you help your mother while I sort your engagement out. You will get married to Owen wether you like it or not. You know how you were raised, now do as your told Christina Martha Beaumont!" He hissed, injecting his poison into my veins which riddled me with more anxiety, fear and memories that I didn't want to feel but that's all I would know if I continued to allow them to "rule" my life. For a moment I paused leaving silence to fall between us. He just stood there, face filled with anger watching me stay put and not move an inch. My body was shaking at that point but I had to take a stand, it was now or never.