Was It Always Us? | COMPLETED ✔

𝙰 𝙵𝚞𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙰 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚗𝚢 𝙳𝚊𝚢

In most clichéd books or movies, when the death of a loved one occurs, the sky grows dark and participates in the mourning. It shares the grief and cries salt tears in the form of rain. It screams and thrashes and shouts in agony, in the form of lightning cutting through the sky like a knife.

None of that happened at that day.

It was a beautiful, sunny day, with birds chirping in the trees and the sun dominating the whole sky. Clouds drifted around, providing shade, and a breeze rustled around us. It was beautiful. A beautiful day to be alive.

Except the fact that we were gathered there to attend a funeral, to attend death.

Not a lot of people came. There was me, Lily, Josh, Theo, Brad, and Amy. Jimmy and Devin also came. I called Tim, my stepfather, as well, asking him if he'd like to attend, but he cut the call as soon as I told him why I'd called. 

Some people never change.

And maybe my mother was one of them, too.

I was called up for a eulogy. I felt uncomfortable, really. I was wearing formal attire, which was black, as expected. I felt a little nervous, looking down at everyone, knowing that most of them were only here out of courtesy. It was a little depressing. I cleared my throat, and finally began to speak, though I hadn't really prepared anything.

"My mother was not exactly an amiable person. She was awful, really. To me, to my brother, Josh, to many of the people who knew her. I do not know what made her like that, but what I do know is that: 'There is a little good in all evil'. Most of my memories of her aren't good, yes. But in the midst of all that, I have to remind myself that she was human, and she had faults. I will never say that she deserved forgiveness for her actions, or that she should be remembered in golden words. But all I can say, is some people cannot and will not change their ways, no matter how hard we try, and instead of becoming bitter about that, it may be better if we simply accept that and move on. My mother was not a good person. But she wasn't all bad, either."

There was scattered clapping everywhere, and I saw Amy holding Lily's hand tightly. I thanked them all and then sat back on my seat, feeling worse than ever. Josh looked like he would break any moment. I hugged him, and he wrapped his arms around me. Not a single tear escaped his eyes, and I was reminded of the moment I invited Sutton to the restaurant, and she looked just like that. Fragile. Vulnerable.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm-"

"Shh, you don't have to say anything."

He didn't say anything more, and I felt helpless. Being his older brother, I felt it was my job to comfort him, and yet I couldn't no matter how much I tried. Looking at the coffin in front of me, I thought a tear escaped my eyes. I felt a little relief, but it was drowned in a sea of regret, that I never got to know her, never understood her reasons. She abused me, and Josh, and she was the absolute worst for that.

 But I couldn't bring myself to say that she deserved what happened to her.

***

"I'm really sorry for your loss, Atlas."

Lily was standing next to me, while Amy came over. She was also wearing a black dress, and she looked really pretty, though right now was not the moment to say. I thought Lily tensed beside me, but when I looked, she really was smiling genuinely. I pursed my lips.

"Yeah, well..."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Not right now. I think we'll go home, now, me and Lily. Do you have a ride?"

"Actually, no. That's what I wanted to ask you, if you could drop me off. If it's alright, of course-"

"Sure, why not?" Lily said. "We can grab a bite to eat as well."

Amy grinned and nodded.

"Thank you so much, you guys."

"I'll start the car, then." I said. I went away, and looked back to see them talking, though I didn't know what it was about. I felt a little worried, because Amy and Lily's relations hadn't been the best, and I was scared that they might start an argument or something. Today, however, I noticed that Lily was acting quite nicely to her, which surprised me a little. Maybe that was out of consideration, or maybe it was something else. My overthinking brain threatened to overwhelm me, but I turned on the ignition in the car and waited for them to come. They did, and Amy as laughing hysterically. It felt weird seeing them together like that. Josh was tagging along with them, and he looked terrible, his eyes bloodshot.

"Thanks once again." Amy spoke, and Lily gave her an assuring nod. She still looked a bit uncomfortable, but much more relaxed at the same time, which pleased me. She sat in the front with me, and Amy sat in the back, with Josh. Lily held my hand, squeezing it, and the warmth and touch of her skin calmed me down. Her eyes spoke a million unsaid things, telling me that she was there for me. That she understood. That she cared. 

That it was okay, and that we were in this together.

"What do you want to eat, Josh?" I asked.

"Anything." he said, and his voice was hoarse, like he hadn't used it in a million years. I felt bad for him, like Sutton's death was somehow my fault. Lily turned back and ruffled Josh's hair, whispering something. He gave a reluctant smile. Amy looked like she was embarrassed to intrude on us like that.

"We can go to you restaurant." Lily offered, and I felt my face heat up. "I haven't been there in a while, and I want to taste Amy's cooking."

"Me and Atlas can prepare a meal for you together, and you can tell us whose is better."

"Only if he's okay with it, of course." Lily said, looking at me, concerned.

"You are so losing." I said, grinning, though I felt my insides were going to melt. But yet again, I kind of wanted to see who Lily would choose. The thought was thrilling.

There is a little good in all evil.

And suddenly, with my friends, and my family around me, with all these people who cared for me, this day didn't feel so sad anymore. Because I wasn't the eighteen year old Atlas with nowhere to go and no one to talk to. 

I was the Atlas who had so many people he relied on, and who relied on him. I was the Atlas who was cherished, and loved, and understood.

And just all that alone was worth living for. 

I had found my life's meaning amongst these people. And I would always remember them for that.

***

Here we go. Second last chapter, out now! The next one is going to be a quick bonus to cover the period between this funeral and Ryle and Amy's wedding (a filler, if you will), and finally, we'll end with them marrying!

Also, thank you for six thousand nine hundred views on this story! Every view and update thrills me just as much as the idea of a family thrills Atlas.

*unedited* *1100 words or something*