TO HAVE & HAVE NOT

43

Johnny

Things between Olivia and I were complicated, a web of emotions and secrets that only we truly understood.

Behind closed doors, we shared moments that felt fragile yet electric, whispers and laughter echoing in the quiet of our private world.

But as the days passed, the challenge of keeping our connection hidden grew heavier, looming over us like an unshakeable shadow.

During the movie's filming, our time together increased significantly, whether we found ourselves alone in the cozy corners of set trailers or mingling with friends—hers or mine. One evening, after an unexpectedly delightful afternoon spent jamming on guitar, sipping wine, and reveling in our shared laughter, Steve turned to me, his voice casual but his eyes gleaming with curiosity. "I like her," he said, and the words hung between us.

"Yeah?" I smirked, a wave of warmth brushing through me as I smiled, the admission feeling strangely liberating. "Me too," I confessed, feeling the weight of my affection bubble to the surface.

Steve's eyes widened in surprise at my revelation, and I could almost see the wheels turning in his mind as he processed the implications. "I like how she's unapologetically herself. You never know how these Hollywood actresses will be, but she's different," Steve said, a genuine smile forming on his lips.

As we exchanged knowing glances, I felt exposed yet exuberant simultaneously. Still, beneath the facade of camaraderie, a hesitation flickered within me—"You okay, JD?" Steve nudged my shoulder, sensing the deeper layers I struggled to reveal.

"She's a cool girl; can we move on now?" I deflected, attempting to mask the torrent of emotions churning inside me, desperately holding onto the pretense that my feelings for Olivia were nothing more than a fleeting crush when, in truth, I was slowly, irrevocably falling in love with her, and the complexity of it all threatened to unravel everything I had tried to maintain.

As I sat back in my dressing room, Christy's lingering laughter with Olivia echoed in my mind, warming the corners of my heart even as I tried to dismiss what my sister was hinting at. Watching them bond felt surreal, like a scene from a romantic film where life, love, and laughter intertwined effortlessly.

Olivia's radiant smile and infectious energy seemed to make the bustling chaos of the set fade away, leaving just the three of us in a bubble of shared moments. Yet, when the laughter faded, and Olivia left, the reality settled in as Christy's perceptive gaze turned to me, probing for honesty. "Do you like her?" she asked, her tone spinning a web of concern and sibling intuition.

I was caught in a lie, a half-hearted denial of feelings that I was beginning to acknowledge, even to myself. "No, we're friends," I replied, offering the flimsiest of excuses, but Christy was having none of it. She had always been the sharp one, able to see through my bluster with a clarity that often left me feeling raw and exposed.

Her follow-up remarks tumbled out with a mix of care and concern, each word striking a nerve as she pointed out the glaring disparities between Olivia and me: the age gap, the post-divorce clumsiness, the whirlwind of celebrity life in which Olivia was currently ensconced, so unlike my reality.

Although she was right—everyone could see it, and deep down, I knew Christy only wanted what was best for me—I felt a rush of defiance, a need to protect my fragile connection with Olivia from the dissecting light of logic. "Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, Christy," I countered, forcing a calmness in my voice that masked my growing frustration. "But we're friends. We are working on this film together, and our chemistry is good—on and off-screen. That's all, so can we please drop this?"

Every word felt like an anchor, keeping me tethered to the reality I wanted to believe. Yet, as I uttered the last phrase, I could feel a deep-seated truth in Christy's warnings that gnawed at me—it was impossible to deny that her words cut like a sword, leaving me grappling with a confusion that danced too close to desire, a desire that could just as easily lead to heartache.

Olivia and I lay in my bed—a familiar refuge for us. The soft glow from the bedside lamp painted our silhouettes against the wall as I stared at the ceiling, feeling her warmth against my bare chest. The rhythm of her breathing was a soothing backdrop to my swirling thoughts, so I asked her a question that had been nagging at me for a while. "Would you give this up?" I inquired, my gaze still fixed on the ceiling.

I saw her brows furrow in confusion, "Us?"

I added, "No. Well, yes. But I mean, would you give up this—this moment—and the future of your career that lies ahead? I know you're young, but have you considered what life will look like in a few years? Will you give up acting to settle down someday?"

The question hung in the air, and I could see the wheels turning in her mind as she tried to respond. "Oh," she started, pausing as if she were sorting through her dreams, "I haven't thought about it much. But I want children someday. And it's harder for women in this business to have both, so I suppose I'd have to give it up eventually."

My heart sank a little at the thought of her sacrificing her dreams, and I nodded, pondering her words and the implications they held for us. "What about us? Are we going to give up whatever this is?" I felt a tremor of vulnerability in my voice, my insecurities creeping in as I searched her face for answers.

Just then, her expression transformed into a wide grin, and before I could fully process my worries, she playfully pushed herself into a sitting position over me, her hands resting on my chest. "You're so worried about that," she teased, her eyes sparkling with affection, "It's okay, Johnny. I love this," she declared, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on my lips, a gesture that seemed to seal our unspoken bond. "Whatever this is," she added, her voice silky yet resolute, wrapping around us like a promise.

Lying there with her, I felt a bittersweet blend of hope and apprehension, knowing that the path ahead was uncertain but also savoring the here and now.