Swapped by fate

Chapter 28

Nami’s POV

I’m so fucking tired.

Tired of the endless hospital visits, the chemo sessions, the constant questions, the pitying looks. Every day feels like a never-ending loop of pain and exhaustion. My hair is gone, and I can’t get used to the feeling of my bare scalp. I keep reaching up, my fingers brushing against the smooth skin where my hair used to be. It’s like there’s a phantom sensation, a ghost of what once was. The baldness is a daily reminder that things will never be the same, that I’m not who I used to be.

The weekends are the hardest. That’s when everyone shows up, all at once, like clockwork. They visit me in this sterile hospital room, trying their best to be supportive, but all I want is for them to go away. I want to be left alone in my misery, in my thoughts.

But I can’t say that. I can’t tell them to leave because I know they care, and I don’t want to hurt their feelings. So I just lay here, facing the wall, pretending like I’m asleep or too tired to talk. They come in with smiles plastered on their faces, chatting and asking questions like they’re trying to fill a void that’s just too big to fill.

Today is no different. I hear the familiar sound of the door opening, followed by footsteps. Felix, Hyunjin, Stacy, Seungmin, Lee Know, Changbin, and Jisung—my crew. They’re all here, just like they said they would be. I can hear their voices, their footsteps approaching my bed.

“Hey, Nami,” Felix says softly, his voice always so gentle, like he’s afraid of breaking me with a single word. I don’t turn to face him. I keep my eyes closed, wishing I could disappear into the mattress. “How are you feeling today?”

I don’t answer. I can’t. I don’t have the energy to pretend anymore. I just want to be alone. I roll onto my side, facing away from them, hoping they’ll take the hint and leave me alone.

“Come on, Nami,” Hyunjin’s voice comes next, and I can hear the worry in his tone. “We’re here. We want to know how you’re doing.”

I stay silent. I’m tired. Tired of the constant questions, of the never-ending stream of visitors. I’m exhausted from pretending to be strong. I just want to sleep, to escape from all of this.

“Let her be,” Stacy says softly, though there’s a hint of frustration in her voice. “Maybe she just needs some space right now.”

But Hyunjin won’t give up. “Nami,” he says, his voice cracking slightly. “Please. Just talk to us. We’re here for you.”

I sigh deeply, letting out a breath that’s heavy with frustration. I turn my head slowly to face them, feeling the weight of their gazes on me. “I’m tired,” I whisper, my voice barely audible. “Tired of everything. Of being sick. Of all the questions. Of the pain. Just... tired.”

Hyunjin takes a step closer, his face a mix of sadness and concern. “You don’t have to keep pretending to be strong,” he says gently. “We know you’re going through a lot. It’s okay to be tired.”

Seungmin steps forward, his face showing a mixture of sympathy and determination. “We’re not here to make things harder for you,” he says quietly. “We just want to be here, to support you in any way we can.”

Lee Know nods, his eyes serious. “We care about you, Nami. Even if we don’t have the right words, we’re here. We want to help.”

Changbin leans against the wall, looking like he’s struggling to keep his emotions in check. “We know this is hard,” he says softly. “But you’re still one of us, and we want to be here for you, no matter what.”

Jisung, who’s been standing near the door, watches with a pained expression. “We’re all here for you,” he says. “Even if we don’t always know what to say or do, we care.”

Felix stays quiet throughout the conversation, just observing. He’s always been the one who listens more than he speaks, and today is no different. He looks at me with such intense concern, but he doesn’t say a word. His silence speaks volumes, and I can feel it—a deep, unspoken empathy.

I look at Felix, and his eyes are filled with a kind of positivity that I don’t understand. He’s not doubting me. He’s not questioning whether I’ll make it through. He’s just... smiling at me softly, like he believes with everything in him that I’m going to get through this. It’s comforting and frustrating at the same time, his unwavering faith in me.

Hyunjin takes my hand gently, his thumb brushing over my knuckles. “We don’t want you to go through this alone,” he says softly. “We’re here for you, no matter what. We love you, and we’re not going anywhere.”

I blink back tears, feeling a rush of emotions I don’t know how to handle. I want to cry, to scream, to let it all out. I’m overwhelmed, exhausted, and in pain. But at the same time, I feel a small flicker of hope.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble, wiping at my eyes. “For being such a mess. For making everything harder.”

Felix finally speaks, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re not a mess, Nami. You’re just going through something incredibly tough, and it’s okay to feel like shit sometimes.”

Hyunjin looks at me with so much care, his expression softening. “You’re not a burden, Nami. You’re still you. And you’re still strong, even if you don’t feel like it.”

I look at all of them, their faces full of concern and love. I feel like I’m drowning in their kindness, in their care. It’s overwhelming, but in a good way. Maybe I’m not alone in this fight. Maybe I don’t have to be strong all the time.

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this,” I whisper, my voice trembling.

Hyunjin squeezes my hand gently. “You don’t have to do it alone,” he says softly. “We’re here. We’ll get through this together.”

I nod slowly, tears spilling down my cheeks. I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this. But with them by my side, maybe I can find a way to keep going.