Not Your Typical Literary Masterpiece: AKA My Mood

Let go

We aren't what we were anymore,
Just strangers, clutching shadows,
Desperate echoes of what we once were.
And I'm sorry—
I can't be what you need me to be,
Can't shape myself into something more,
I'm just human, pathetic but still human after all.

If they're your friends,
If that's what they are now,
Then go ahead—
I won't stop you.
But I'm just so spent,
Exhausted from trying,
From explaining, thinking
Just to fit into your idea of care.

We're just a fiction now,
Pretending to feel something real.
Yet still, the banter,
The way we used to laugh,
Enchants me, lingers,
But maybe it's just me,
Pathetically impressed by the ordinary,
Pining, scrambling for the mundane

in hopes it feels special.

I'm done feeling.
I'm wrong in everything.
Scream at me,
pull me apart—
But rage? ha.. there's none-
now... it's all just... blue,
A constant shade of hopeless.
Someone, anyone, just put me to sleep.

Take me out of this endless loop—
I'm  breathing, but am I even alive?
I've built a box full of wonder,
Yet all I do is wander within it,
Trapped in circles,
Chasing shadows of what I thought we had.

Maybe... one day it'll all be too much
I'll take myself out,
Fade into nothingness,
Disappearing piece by piece,
Slowly, silently, someday.

I suffocate under the weight of this feeling,
I can't lift it off me
it's hooked, stuck to me
You became my purpose,
The center of my world—
How did I let you get so important?

I regret it all,
Every fragile moment
single
fricking... moment
that built you up inside me.

All I just want is to vanish,
To slip away, somewhere distant—
Where tears don't fall
And I won't have to look for you
in every empty room.

Maybe then you'll be happy,
Laughing with the friends, chosen for today,
And maybe you won't be sick of them tomorrow.
Maybe you'll find something real in them,
Something you never found in me.

I'll play pretentious angel now..
Disgustingly mature 
or whatever I'm trying to pull now

I just want to see you smile...
Maybe then these waves of blue can go away,
Maybe they'll leave me standing—
Or drowning, who knows?
and honestly, you hardly care

But I'll pretend it's happiness.
Just for a moment.
Is this feeling even real?
Or just another fleeting ghost in a sea of nothingness?
a fricking nothingness
a hoax
Am I just fooling around with myself?

I'm sorry for everything—
Every mistake, every piece of me
That wasn't enough for you.

Can I vanish in peace?
Can I be free?
Unchained from whatever this is
Can I just let this all...

Finally go?

Let go.