Small Cuts (Supernatural Dark!fic)

f o r t y - e i g h t

"And I'm no better baby
And I can't help you no more than I did when just a girl.
But it don't make no difference babe
No, no
And I know that I could always try.
It don't make no difference babe,
Yeah
I better hold it now
I better need it"
Kozmic Blues - Janis Joplin 

Amara was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the training room, her eyes closed as she focused inward, trying to sense the emotions around her. The bunker was still—Sam and Dean were elsewhere, likely researching more about the impending confrontation with Paimon—but she could still feel them, feel their steady presence in the distance, their protective energy like a blanket over her.

Her powers had been spiking recently, growing stronger with each passing day, but today felt... different. There was something deeper, something she hadn't tapped into yet, just beyond the surface. She could feel it thrumming beneath her skin, waiting to be unlocked.

The door creaked open behind her, and she didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"Castiel," she greeted softly, her voice calm despite the storm brewing inside her.

The angel stepped into the room, his footsteps nearly silent as he moved closer. "Amara," he replied in his usual gravelly tone. "I see you're practicing."

She opened her eyes and turned slightly to look at him. His presence was always a little unsettling, but in a comforting way—like a solid rock in the middle of a turbulent sea. "Yeah," she said, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm trying to get a better handle on things."

Castiel nodded, his blue eyes thoughtful as he looked down at her. "Your powers have grown exponentially since the severance with Paimon."

Amara sighed, sitting up straighter. "Yeah, but I still feel like I'm not in control. Like there's more that I haven't even discovered yet."

"You're right," Castiel said matter-of-factly. "There's a depth to your abilities that hasn't been fully realised."

Amara frowned, her curiosity piqued. "What do you mean?"

Castiel tilted his head slightly, his usual stoic expression not giving much away. "Your powers are connected to your lineage, yes, but they're also tied to something else—something Paimon has likely fixated on."

She felt a chill run down her spine at the mention of Paimon, her chest tightening slightly. "What does he want from me, Cas? I mean... why does he think I belong to him?"

Castiel's gaze softened, though his tone remained as blunt as ever. "It's not just your abilities or your bloodline, though those are significant factors. It's also your... purity."

Amara blinked, confusion flashing in her eyes. "My... what?"

"Your virginity," Castiel said plainly, as if discussing the weather. "To demons like Paimon, purity is a powerful symbol. He likely believes that, by possessing you, he can claim not only your power but also your purity. It's a form of control."

Amara's face flushed instantly, her heart pounding in embarrassment. "Cas!" She hissed, looking around as if someone might overhear them. "You can't just... say things like that!"

Castiel blinked, clearly confused. "I don't understand. Is that not true?"

Amara groaned, burying her face in her hands for a moment. "That's not the point! It's just... it's personal, okay? And I don't want Sam or Dean to know."

The angel's head tilted further, his expression a mix of confusion and curiosity. "Why not?"

"Because it's... embarrassing!" Amara shot back, still mortified that they were even having this conversation. "I don't want them to know I'm... you know. Still a virgin."