Baby of the Family

Chapter 14 : New rules

Chapter 14

Later...   

Riker POV

Dad gave me some new rules. I have to always have my wrists showing. I'm not allowed to go out anywhere. No interviews. No concerts. He also doesn't want me isolating myself in my bedroom.

I'm not in trouble. He was really nice about the whole thing. I thought for sure I'd be in trouble. 

Mom was paranoid about me. She cleaned my cuts and bandaged them again even though they were mostly healed.

My siblings were treating me weird now. Except Ross. Probably because he's been the one who's spent the most time with me lately.

I was laying in bed right now. I was allowed to be in my room because Ross was in here, so it doesn't count as isolating myself. 

I was exhausted. Panic attacks take all the energy out of me. And even though I'm exhausted, I can't seem to fall asleep. It's like my mind wouldn't shut off. 

Ross kept looking over at me. It's like he was waiting for me to fall asleep. I think we both know at this point it's not going to happen anytime soon.

"Can we do something?" I asked, sitting up.

"Do what?" Ross asked.

"I don't know."

"I thought you were tired."

"I am. But I can't sleep and I'm tired of laying here. So I want to do something to take my mind off of everything."

"Everything? What's on your mind? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Don't be like that."

"Be like what?"

"Like... acting like I'm about to do it again at any moment! I'm not going to hurt myself with dad watching me."

"I wasn't thinking you were going to. But if you can't sleep because you need to take your mind off of everything, I just thought maybe you wanted to talk."

"I don't know what there is to talk about. Dad already said everything earlier. I don't know why I feel the way I feel. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it."

"I'm sorry. I want to help, but I don't know how."

I sighed and got up. I went downstairs and found dad in the kitchen.

"I know you said I wasn't allowed to leave, but can I sit on the porch?" I asked.

"Why do you want to sit on the porch? You're not thinking of running away, are you?"

"No. I just feel like I need some fresh air to clear my head."

"You can sit on the porch, but I'm coming with you."

I went outside and sat down on the porch. Dad sat down beside me.

"You don't trust me," I said.

"It's not that I don't trust you. It's just that I don't want you getting any ideas."

"I'm not trying to do anything wrong. I want to get better. I just don't know how, dad."

"I know. We're going to figure it out, ok Riker?"

"How?"

"We'll take it day by day. See what seems to be triggering you. And then see how we can help."

I nodded.

"Are you feeling alright? I would've thought you'd be asleep by now."

"I can't sleep. My mind won't shut off."

"What are you thinking about?"

"What if the panic attacks don't stop? What if I don't stop feeling like this?"

"It's not going to be forever, Riker. You'll get better. I'll make sure of it."

I leaned my head on dad's shoulder and he put his arm around me. I heard the front door open and then Ross sat down on my other side.

"You ok?" Ross asked.

I nodded.

"We're here for you, Riker," Ross said.

"I don't know what will help though," I mumbled.

"That's ok. For now, we can just be with you," dad said.

I sighed and shut my eyes. I'm so tired.

Next thing I knew, I was in bed and dad was tucking me in. When he left, Ross came in. 

"Can you please sleep over here?" I asked.

"Yeah. Of course. Everything ok?" Ross asked, getting in bed beside me.

"I just don't want to be alone tonight."

"You won't be alone any night. I room with you, remember?"

"I just don't want to have a nightmare or wake up and have a panic attack, ok?"

"Ok. Yeah. You don't need to explain. If you want me here, I'll be here, ok? Anything you want."

"Thanks."

I turned over on my side and buried my face in Ross's shoulder.

"Wake me up if you need anything," Ross said.

"I will."