Baby of the Family

Chapter 15 : Nightmare

Chapter 15

Later...   

Riker POV

I woke up feeling panicky, but I wasn't sure why I felt like this. Ross wasn't next to me anymore. And he wasn't in his bed either.

I sat up, looking around, confused. I wanted to call for dad, but it's the middle of the night and I don't want to wake everyone up, but I'm getting all panicky.

I heard footsteps and then Ross came back into the room.

"Where were you!?"

"Shhh! I was just in the bathroom. Calm down. What's going on?"

Ross got back in bed beside me.

"I just woke up, and you weren't here, and I was just freaked out."

"Ok, well I'm back. So breathe, ok?"

He hugged me tight and my breathing slowed down.

"Why am I so anxious?" I asked.

"I don't know. Rocky and Ry aren't doing anything anymore, so you shouldn't be. Here, lay down. Try to get back to sleep."

I laid down again and Ross pulled the covers over us.

The next day...

Ross POV

"We need to do something," I said.

"How can we do something if we don't know why he's anxious all of a sudden?" Dad asked.

"Because it's getting worse. He woke up in the middle of the night when I was in the bathroom and he freaked out."

"Then shouldn't you be upstairs with him for when he wakes up this morning?"

"I asked Ry to hang out in there until he does."

"Good."

"I'm just worried that if we don't do something, it's going to get to a point again where he does something drastic."

"Did he say anything about doing something?"

"No. But I just know how Riker's brain works. He bottles stuff up until he can't take it. And then does something. Like cut. Or run away. Or have a panic attack. Or I don't know what else. But I don't want to find out."

"Well I'm not sure what we should do. I think we should just be observing his behavior and triggers."

"Ok, but we can't let him be by himself. Like at all. I don't trust him. And we can't just keep him locked in the house. I think we need to get him out in the world and see what his triggers are out there too. Because the panic attacks he's had have been during interviews. And that's weird."

"Ross! Dad! Riker's freaking out!" Ryland called.

I got up and ran upstairs. Ryland was sitting next to Riker in bed. And he was having another panic attack.

"Riker, what happened?" I asked, sitting down on the end of the bed.

"I had a nightmare!"

"About what?"

"I don't know! I don't remember!"

Dad came in.

"Riker, deep breaths," dad said.

"I'm sorry," Riker said.

"Don't be sorry. Take deep breaths," dad said.

"It's hard."

"I know. But it's good practice if you're going to have panic attacks all the time now."

I climbed over Ry and Riker so I could sit on Riker's other side.

"You can do this, Riker," I said, putting my arm around him.

He started breathing slower and his panic attack eventually stopped. It seemed easier for him this time.

"See? I told you all you have to do is breathe slower," dad said.

"Ok, but why is it happening in the first place?" Riker asked.

"I don't know. But we'll figure it out. Start writing down when you have panic attacks so we can see what's triggering them. You said this one was a nightmare. Write that down," dad said.

I got out of bed, grabbed a notebook, and started making a list. I wrote down the panic attacks at the interviews too.

"Um... What are we doing today?" Riker asked.

"Your brothers have hockey practice. Your sister has dance. You're staying home today," dad said.

"Dad, don't you think he should try doing some normal things?" I asked.

"Not yet. I want him home for a few days. Then we can try some outings."

"It's fine. I'm tired anyway," Riker said.

Riker got up and left.

"He'll be fine. He'll be home with your mother all day. She'll keep an eye on him," dad said.

Later...

Riker POV

"Did anything happen today?" Ross asked, sitting down next to me on the couch.

"No," I said.

"No panic attacks?" I asked.

"Not besides the one this morning when I woke up."

"What did you do all day? Just watch tv?"

"No. I made cookies with mom and we played cards for a while."

"Oh... Good."

"Why? I feel like you're worried about me."

"I am."

"Why? All that's happening is I'm getting panic attacks. Dad said they can't hurt me."

"I know. But I don't want you to do something stupid."

"You mean cut?"

"No. Well yes. But I just mean anything, whether it's cutting or running away or something else."

"I won't do something crazy without telling you first."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Ross. Why are you so worried about this?"

"Because you're the youngest. And it's my job to look out for you since I'm older. I don't want anything to happen to you, Riker."

"Look. I know I've done some really stupid things recently. But I'm in control of myself now."

"Really? Because I'm worried that you're not because of your panic attacks."

"No, I am. It was easier to calm down earlier. If I can just get better at staying calm when they happen, it won't be so bad."

Ross still had a really concerned look on his face.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm fine, Ross. I promise. And if that changes and I decide I'm not fine anymore, I'll tell you. Please stop worrying."

"Riker, I just don't want something bad to happen."

"Stop saying that. I already said I'm ok."

Ross sighed, still staring at me.

"I promise," I said, hugging him.

He hugged me back tight, kind of protectively. I kind of just wish everyone had been this protective over me before this all happened. I mean, Ross was. And Rydel has always been super nice. But I like Ross being protective over me. That's something I never minded about being the youngest. I knew he was always looking out for me. And Ryland has before too. And I guess Rocky has also a couple of times. But I feel like they're all looking at me differently now.

I just need to show them all that I'm ok. I like them being protective. But I don't want them to worry and treat me weird.

And I am ok. I just get panic attacks now. That's all. And once I get good at staying calm, they shouldn't be a problem.