A Book You'll Never Read

The Right Song

Sometimes I long for what other have, the ability to create something so beautiful it can change people's perspectives or the way they feel.

I sit in the cold chair as I stare at my screen, trying to think about what I should write, or come up with an idea to share with the world. I sigh as I lean back in the chair, causing it to creek, it didn't bother me much anymore, I've had this old thing for years that now three of it's screws were missing so the seat slides off sometimes. Try to think about what I want to write about but all I can think about is the kids from school, or the people who I thought used to know, or the problems going on in the world. I start to think, "What can I do to help people? What can I do to change this? To make people feel heard? Or to know they aren't alone?"

I grab my headphones and turn them on, I start scrolling through my playlists to find a certain song to help feed my need for creativity, something to help me write a story, something that'll be beautiful. I play a random song as I close my eyes, taking a deep yet frustrated exhale, wanting to be taken away by the sounds around me, being taken through many worlds and dimensions that play around in different themes and tell a hundred different stories, and a hundred different lives.

Now instead of sitting in my room, I'm in the night sky surrounded by the stars and things I'll probably never see in person, the things I can only dream to one day see, or I'm in a world I wish I could be part of, like a world I watched in a series or movie, a world better than the one I live in, or I'm in a battle field, being told about the hard life people go through to fight for what they believe in. Sometimes I think of myself just watching the world go by, just standing in the rain and watching what I can, trying to think of how I can put these thoughts in a book.

I think to myself, about the past projects I've done, the stories I've created and the projects I've never completed, and I think about the stuff some people will never see or know. I think about the people I wish I could have reached, the people who may see but never understand the real thing, sometime it makes me think I can never make a difference. So many people who have helped me get to the point I am at, and so many who have left, and that feeling of wanting to keep pushing through and continue this, it makes it hard to stop. I've already done so much, yet to me it never feels enough, I always feel like I'm missing something. I rewrite, rephrase, and change so many things all the time, but it's not always enough.

I let my mind go back to reality, allowing myself to be back in that quite lonely room, a place I use to stay hidden from the world that's crashing and shattering around me, the sounds of people dying in the air. I stare back at the screen, and I finally start to write, allowing my thoughts to be played around with the stories that aren't true, or even some that are, because at least one song, is the right song for a hundred different stories.