Turn The Page: Suffer in Silence

Turn The Page: Suffer In Silence(SIS)

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I would like to thank all of my family, including my beautiful Aunt Ms. Cynthia Neal, big shouts out to my brothers, Ryan, Antonio and the late and great Brandon and Rodney jr, and also my beautiful sister Ranita. I wanna pray for my mother Carol aka "Lil C" and my father who I call "King Rodney" for making me as an artist, creating me to be the ultimate creator thru God's blessings. I sincerely miss my mentors growing up, from Stan Glowiak, Chez Chamberlin, Ms. Paulette Fox, Mrs. Bettina, my brothers and best team ever Tre Brown, Michael Martin, Paul Anderson, "Delly", Lamar 'Voice' Smith, Spencer Williams, Anthony Little, and everyone who has been close to family throughout these rollercoaster times. I want to thank everyone who has been apart of the music scene here in my hometown New Britain, CT. And to everyone who reads this, sincerely thank you.

Love and Peace,
Jarell Kershaw aka
Ra'Shawn Redd

Table of Contents

1. Day 150
2. Love Thy Bully
3. Man Down
4. 315 Energy
5. 3am OTC
6. The Challenge
7. The Park
8. My Way to Freedom
9. Trust: My biggest Fear
10. Where is Peace?
11. WTF is sleep?
12. Keep You
13. Too Short
14. No matter what happens
15. You don't have to understand
16. Last Couple Bus Rides
17. 33
18. Don't Explain
19. Hit Different
20. The Voice
21. Anonymity
22. Color Coded
23. CHAOS
24. Isolation
25. Silent Violence
26. OM Goodness
27. M.A.N.(Money and Nonsense)
28. The World will speak for you
29. 34
30. Last Note
31. Cold Summers
32. HOT AF
33. Failure
34. Dreams Again
35. Playing Numb
36. Love
37. The Breaks
38. Playing Numb 2
39. Bro?
40. Dark Nights in off white
41. SHS vs SFS

Day 150

it's been a while man this rapping shit is feeling odd got my red light on my opps I'm scanning y'all before I stuff the pod retired from the kitchen I'm at Amazon $3 raise got me feeling lucky like a leprachaun I'm moving lowkey so ya never know the shit I'm on even my sober friends looking at me like wats he really on I was a writer my pen ran outta ink i replaced it with hybrid oils I'm stacking extra bread for my goals make sure my bae spoiled I do work around a lot of attractive women but after 10 hrs they pussy smell like burnt coil so I dont worry bout these bitches they milk spoiled but they grinding I respect it it look kinda sexy but nothing like when bae changed her hair to red thats how you press me benefits yea that's how you get me shawty went down on me and realized that I am longevity she on top she loses gravity I have no problem telling all these hoes its forever 3/15 money and pussy is all i think about beaches overseas is all i dream about I had a martin luther king kinda dream but fans are preaching doubt i see it in my streams on all my distro accounts so ya was bluffin ya was gassin me explains why I was on E or am I really empty I was poppin E like fuck sleep roaming round new Britain I may not be the hardest out but I'm the hardest hitting mentally unstable street niggas won't even let me hold the semi they not nah bro you crazy crazy I let them handle my k's I can't handle these other energies but only kates she got me munchin I call her my strawberry short cake I can't believe it
it's been over 200 days with out pint of enj I found serenity by staying out the way its just crazy more frequently they speakin on my name I see the wave no longer interested in fame if I aint getting payed my content recovery based but they ain't don't wanna hear that black panther soul but I been holding my spear back nigga try to take my life why would i fear that im clearly suicidal im smiling holding tears back im low key living a low life and ya think im hi the releast ones was switching sides its straight but all of ya'll is bi MTE the only team that's what I mean I do it for the guys they the only ones thats tryna help me keep my dream alive over night on these docks lifting tons of boxes young niggas showing off supervisors going off ya go ahead deepthroat the boss but wats the cost we get payed the same you fuckin up im not the blame my dick all in ya mouth just like my name yea I still feel pain but it ain't as bad as wats in this brain homicide or suicide that's up to you so choose a side kill me I already died lord knows this my last life no reincarnation alcoholism got me stupid like retardation creating heaven for my enemies ill send you there if its better than being friendly its gonna take more than words and aggression to try to end me no fear in any man or any weapon formed against me i dont wanna be a killer but go ahead tempt me might just smile and blow a kiss at the judge after my sentencing as a black man im a criminal im a prisoner I don't care if it's fists guns blades my bow and arrow sharper than a Seminole as a human being I'm a sinner as long as I'm sober I stick with the winners my heart colder than the winter but for my baby girl I'm a sprinter I ain't wasting time in fact it's running out and I'm out the way I ain't in recovery for clout I'm only clean cuz I detoxed all the demons out but they might just spin the block the lord has been my bullet proof vests the bible has been my glock time the most important thing my next chain might just be a clock im in my 30s recovery has taught me theres more to life than just poppin bottles on the block and fuckin with these ugly thots that look like models after a few shots im really an alcoholic nah I can't handle a few shots might just cop this 22 the clip holds more than two shots I can't believe the streets anymore I know two plugs that rocked red and blue flags they turned out to be two cops it's like all my haters screaming free my demons I'll save that for another season if im on the news for murder you gave me a reason just let me live in peace i just wanna enjoy my freedom and just like my dad did me at age 9 ya'll gonna feel this abandonment cuz im leaving 3 months without a drink that 3rd step turned me into a believer i guess it's not up to me it's God's call whenever heaven receives me Hennessy was my ex I had to let her go cuz she deceived me pray for me cuz waking up in the morning and deciding to be alive today for those who need me life has me drained invisible pain my soul is extremely tired sometimes I wanna rest in peace the anxiety keeps me awake so I never rest in sleep I'm lowkey the poet the pisces just tryna keep my head above water cuz these messages are deep I may be spiritual but low-key them demons always creep and they asleep right now but as soon as i hear a loud scream the ptsd is triggered and yea I'm at peace but deep down I'm a savage nigga especially without the drink thank you all for listening cuz like an OG im a former street nigga currently living in recovery.