Baby of the Family

Chapter 18 : Plan for nighttime

Chapter 18

The next day...   

Riker POV

Dad came in my bedroom to talk to me after breakfast. I was nervous about what he was going to say.

"Ross told me that you were anxious about being in your bedroom last night because you were alone," dad said, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"Are you going to make me sleep in here by myself tonight?" I asked, getting nervous.

"No. I think that's a big step. You need small steps."

I felt instantly relieved.

"So what am I going to do?" I asked.

"Every night, Ross is going to shower while you stay in your room by yourself with the lights off."

"What about my nightlight?"

"You can have the nightlight on. It should only be like 30 minutes maximum that you're alone in there. It'll give you good practice of being in there alone in the dark. And if you get panicky, you can call for someone, ok?"

"Ok. But what about interviews and shows?"

"For now, if any interviews or shows come up, you're not going to be talking or performing. I want you to just sit backstage and see if you have a panic attack just being backstage. But we don't have any shows or interviews scheduled right now."

"This all just makes me kind of nervous."

"I know. I wouldn't expect anything different. But you're doing really well already, Riker."

"How?"

"You haven't cut again. I've been watching your wrists. And even though you've been anxious and had a panic attack, you got through it and you had an easier time getting through your panic attack."

"That's true..."

"You've asked for help when you felt anxious."

"But isn't it bad that I keep getting anxious about stuff?"

"No. You're getting through it. And you're not having panic attacks most of the time. You're just getting a bit anxious. That's great."

"I know you don't want me leaving the house. But I want to go back to hockey. I love hockey. Please can I come with you later for hockey practice?"

"Fine. But Ross will be shooting Austin and Ally, so it's just going to be me, you, Ryland, and Rocky. I know you've been getting really close with Ross lately."

"That's fine."

"But if you get anxious about anything, just tell one of us, ok?"

"I will. But I love hockey."

"I know. But you loved shows and playing songs with your siblings too, and you've had panic attacks the last two times you were going to do that. So I just don't want you to be surprised if you get anxious at the ice rink too, ok?"

"Do you really think I will?"

"I don't know, but it wouldn't shock me if you did."

"Ok."

"Go get ready for the day. We're leaving soon."

"Ok. Thanks for letting me come."

"You're welcome. But tell me if you get anxious."

"I will. I promise."

Later...

Riker POV

I was at hockey right now. We were just warming up on the ice before we started practicing. 

And I started feeling a bit anxious. I couldn't figure out why. I love hockey. But I just felt like I wanted to get away from the ice.

I skated over to the side and got off the ice and sat down on the bleachers. I was just trying to get my heart to slow down.

"Riker, you ok?" Dad asked, skating over.

"I'm getting anxious," I said.

Dad got off the ice and came and sat down next to me.

"What are you anxious about?" He asked.

"I just... I don't know. When I got on the ice, I just started feeling really anxious. I'm sorry."

"Riker, don't be sorry. You haven't done anything wrong."

"I just feel like my anxiety is causing problems. First I backed out of 2 interviews and songs, and now I'm interrupting hockey and wasting your time."

"Well what do you want to do? Do you want to get back on the ice and see if you feel any different? Or do you want me to take you back home? Or you could just sit here for a little while and see how you feel. What do you want to do?"

"Can I just sit here and see if the feeling goes away?"

"Sure. If you change your mind and you want to go home, let me know, ok?"

"Yeah."

Dad got back on the ice. I just wish I knew why I was getting anxious about all of this.