You Know What's BullCRAP?! - Expiration Dates by Kryssen

YKWBC - Expiration Dates

**"You Know What's Bullcrap"? Food Expiration Dates.**

You know, those little numbers that turn a simple pantry check into an Olympic event. If you've ever tried to find one, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

First off, why is finding an expiration date like trying to solve an I Spy picture book? Food companies seem to think it's hilarious to hide these dates in the most inconvenient spots possible. Sometimes they're on the top, sometimes on the bottom, or even buried on the underside of a box where you need a PhD in Rubik's to uncover them. I've even found them tucked under folds in the packaging, as if they're trying to conceal the date like it's a state secret.

But oh, it gets even better. When you do manage to find the expiration date, there's a 50/50 chance it's been smeared or faded to the point where you need a forensic team to decipher it. What kind of ink are they using? Is it designed to wear off just so you can experience the thrill of wondering if a can of soup is a ticking time bomb?

And let's not forget the diverse array of phrases they use. It's not like there can be a consistent term; there always has to be different types for different products:

- **"Best By"**: This one's a classic. It means the food is still edible after this date, but it might taste like it's been through a garbage dump. Think of it as the "Your mileage may vary" of food. It won't kill you, but it might make your taste buds wish for a do-over.

- **"Sell By"**: Now, what the heck is this supposed to mean? This date seems to be aimed at stores, but it ends up on the package anyway. So what if I accidentally buy it after this date? Am I breaking some kind of food law? This is like having a secret message on the packaging that no one understands.

- **"Use By"**: This one really takes the cake. What do you "use" food for? A cereal box isn't a toolbox—it's breakfast! Are food companies trying to turn eating into a DIY project? Just tell me if it's safe to eat, not if I can "use" it like a wrench.

- **"Expires By"**: Finally, a date that gets straight to the point. It's clear—eat it after this date and you might be playing Russian roulette with your stomach. At least this one's honest about the stakes.

And then there's the maddening inconsistency. Sometimes the milk's still perfectly fine after the expiration date, while other times a bag of chips is as stale as a crusty old sock. How am I supposed to trust the date on a box of cereal when the marshmallows are already halfway to becoming compost?

Food safety shouldn't be a guessing game. It should be as straightforward as finding a rating on a video game box, right there in the bottom left corner of the label. You could put your "Sell By," "Use By," "Expires By," and "Best By" all neatly in one spot. But no, instead, we're stuck turning pantry cleaning into a high-stakes scavenger hunt.

In summary, whoever thought finding expiration dates should be a Herculean task deserves a one-way ticket to a very special place: a nightmarish realm filled with expired food. Picture stale noodle snakes slithering around, rivers of curdled milk to wade through, and treacherous frostbitten mountains of ice cream, meat, and yogurt all blended together to create Expiration Nation. Trying to navigate this mess will make you find your own expiration date.

It's time for dinner, and I really hope my meal doesn't end up tasting like this steaming pile of bullcrap.