She ceased her coloring and stood, straddling my lap, her gaze fixed on the hope tattoo nestled between my collarbones.
Her fingers traced the tattoo with a purple marker, her touch firm, like someone I loved, used to do all the time.
Her hair was...
Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High? - Arctic Monkeys 01:43 ━━━━●───── 03:50 ⇆ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻
Now, it's three in the mornin' And I'm tryna' change your mind Left you multiple missed calls And to my message, you reply
ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏
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In moments like these, I wished I weren't alive. What was the point of attending an event that would only mark my failure? Everyone would be there to witness it, and to add insult to injury, she hadn't replied to any of my messages.
I got this whole therapy shit, but one message wouldn't have harmed her. I was dying here for some optimism in my life.
My gaze drifted to Illiya's family's table, more specifically to the empty chair adorned with a Spiderman plushie.
A feeble attempt to represent my son, I chuckled to mask my sorrow.
This was my first ceremony without him. No more excited waves as I claimed my badge, no more "coolest dad" proclamations, no more us showering him with the badges we received.
Every achievement now felt hollow. No matter what I got, I was returning home empty today.
"I'm sorry, malysh," I gently patted the plushies head. "Daddy let you down this year." I was longing for the usual response from him that I didn't but the silence that followed pierced my heart.
A surge of emotion suddenly overwhelmed me. First there was the guilt of having shot an innocent daughter, who was not interested in getting to know me as much as I was, Miro not being here and court day coming closer.
I averted my gaze from the cursed chair, but the pain persisted. I rushed to the restroom, desperate to regain my composure before the inevitable humiliation.
This was pathetic. Miro wouldn't want to see me like this, but I couldn't control the overwhelming sorrow. It had only been a year since she'd taken him from me, and I still struggled to cope.
The icy water splashing against my face offered a momentary reprieve, jolting me back to reality.
As much as I didn't want to be here today I had to pull myself together.
"Kirovchik!" I recognized Illiya's voice and turned around to see my two childhood friends approaching but I continued walking, hoping that ignoring them would send them away.
"What's wrong, handsome?" Illiya chuckled, reaching for my head but I slapped his hand away, halting his playful gesture.
"Not in the mood," I replied quickening my pace towards the main entrance where the ceremony was about to begin.
![[tos-kah]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/376442166-64-k156834.jpg)