Desk Affair✓

21

Chapter 21: The Unspoken Words

The soft hum of the office after hours was the only sound that filled the space as Namjoon and YN sat in the dim light. The tension between them, which had been building for weeks, was finally coming to a head. The long day of silence and avoidance had led to this moment, and they both knew there was no turning back.

Namjoon’s eyes were locked on YN, a mix of concern and curiosity hidden behind his stoic expression. She stood by the desk, her fingers fidgeting at her sides, not knowing where to begin. After everything that had happened between them, the words she needed to say seemed impossible to form.

He waited, his jaw clenched, as if preparing for whatever she was about to throw at him. The silence between them felt deafening, a stark contrast to the noise in her head. The memories of their affair, the intimacy they had shared, and the guilt that had begun to creep into every corner of her mind all of it churned inside her.

“I can’t keep pretending like this doesn’t matter,” YN finally spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “Like everything that’s happened between us can just... go back to normal.”

Namjoon leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk. His gaze softened, but he didn’t say anything right away. He was listening, really listening, and that made it even harder for her to continue.

“Namjoon,” YN’s voice cracked, her emotions surfacing. “I know we’ve been avoiding it... but I need to know where we stand. Where do we go from here?”

He sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. For the first time since she had known him, he looked almost vulnerable. “I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice thick with the weight of everything unsaid. “I wish I had an answer, YN, but I’m just as lost as you are.”

The admission hung between them like a fragile thread, one that could snap at any moment. YN’s chest tightened. She had hoped for something more, some sort of clarity, but his honesty only made her fears grow stronger.

“I can’t keep doing this,” she said, her voice barely holding steady. “This back and forth, the sneaking around... It’s tearing me apart.”

Namjoon’s eyes flashed with something regret, maybe but he didn’t look away. “You think this is easy for me?” he asked, his voice low, almost pleading. “I’ve been trying to figure this out, too, but it’s not that simple.”

“It’s not just about us,” YN said, her voice rising slightly. “It’s about everything else your life, your marriage. I found out, Namjoon.”

The air seemed to shift in an instant. Namjoon’s body tensed, his fingers curling into a fist on the desk. His eyes darkened, the vulnerability from earlier quickly replaced by a guarded look.

“What do you mean?” he asked, his tone sharp.

YN took a shaky breath. “I know about your wife. I know you’re still married.”

Namjoon’s expression didn’t change, but his silence spoke volumes. He looked down at the desk, avoiding her gaze. The guilt she had felt for weeks now crashed over her like a wave, suffocating her. It wasn’t just the affair that haunted her; it was the secrets, the lies, the messy reality of what they had become.

“I wasn’t hiding it from you,” Namjoon finally said, his voice tight. “It’s complicated.”

“Complicated?” YN scoffed, unable to keep the bitterness from her tone. “You’re married, Namjoon. That’s not complicated, that’s—”

“Separated,” he cut her off, his voice firm. “We’ve been separated for two years.”

His words caught her off guard. “Separated?”

“Yes,” Namjoon continued, standing up and moving toward her. His towering presence was overwhelming, but his eyes were full of frustration. “We haven’t been together in years, YN. Legally, yes, we’re still married. But there’s nothing between us anymore.”

The room spun for a moment as YN processed his words. Separated. It didn’t change the fact that he was still technically married, but it did add a layer of complexity she hadn’t expected.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, her voice quieter now, but still laced with hurt.

“I didn’t want to burden you with my personal life,” Namjoon admitted, his eyes softening again. “And honestly, I didn’t think it mattered. What we have... it’s separate from all of that.”

YN let out a shaky breath, her mind reeling. She had been so sure that he was keeping secrets, but now that she knew the truth, it didn’t make things any easier.

“But it does matter, Namjoon,” she said, her voice breaking. “Because it’s not just about you or me. It’s about everything that comes with it. We can’t just keep pretending like we’re in our own bubble.”

Namjoon’s hand reached for hers, his fingers wrapping around her wrist gently. “I know,” he whispered. “But I don’t want to lose you.”

The raw emotion in his voice made her heart ache. She could feel the sincerity in his words, but it didn’t erase the complications of their situation.

“I don’t want to lose you either,” she admitted, tears brimming in her eyes. “But we can’t keep going like this. Something has to change.”

Namjoon pulled her closer, his forehead resting against hers. The familiar warmth of his body surrounded her, and for a moment, everything else faded away. His touch, his presence, it was all she wanted yet it was the very thing that complicated everything.

They stood there for a long time, their breaths mingling in the quiet room, neither one ready to let go. The world outside felt distant, and all that mattered was the here and now.

“I don’t know what happens next,” Namjoon finally whispered, his voice heavy with uncertainty. “But I’m not ready to let this go.”

YN closed her eyes, letting herself be wrapped in the moment, even as the weight of their reality pressed down on her. They were on the edge of something, and neither of them knew if they would fall or fly.

For now, the decision remains a mystery.

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