Who the hell am I (english version)

nowhere to be found

Letter from James Buchanan Barnes to Elora Sue Barnes, dated November 29, 1943. Found on March 13, 1946, in Krausberg, the base where Hydra held the 107th Infantry Division in 1943. Neither Mr. Barnes nor Ms. Barnes were alive when this letter was discovered, and it was preserved as a historical document from World War II.

My Dearest Elora,I hope this letter finds you well and reaches you soon. Here at the front, it's hard sometimes to keep track of time; the days blur together, and the situation is far worse than I could have ever imagined. I can't even remember the last time I slept properly, and the sound of shells exploding and the whistling of bullets has almost become normal. Yet despite it all, there are moments when my thoughts drift back to you, to quieter times, to your laughter. It's strange how memories of someone can give you warmth, even when you're thousands of miles apart.The situation here worsens by the day. The fighting is relentless, and Hydra is clearly superior in weapons and numbers. Sometimes I wonder how much longer we can hold out. But then I think of everything we're fighting for – for you, for our home, for our families, and for the life we can finally build once this madness is over. That gives me the strength to keep going.The nights are the hardest. It's not just the cold, but the loneliness. Sometimes I wonder what you're doing at that moment, whether you're thinking of me too. I miss the evenings we spent together, your smile, your voice. It's those simple, everyday things that I miss the most. I never thought the thought of a warm kitchen or a walk with you through the city could be so powerful. Out here, in the middle of chaos, I hold on to those memories. They're my anchor, Elora.I can't wait to see you again, to hold your hand in mine, without the sound of war in the background. There's so much I want to tell you, so much left unsaid, because I never thought there would come a time when I would be away from you for so long. I regret not saying more often how much you mean to me, but maybe you feel it anyway.I don't know how long this war will last, I don't know when I will return home, but I promise you I will come back to you. And when this nightmare is over, I will never let you go again. Until then, I hope this letter brings you a piece of me that I can't give you right now, and shows you that I am always with you, even if we are apart.Take care of yourself, Elora. Look after Steve, give my sister a kiss on the cheek from me, and visit my mother for coffee. I dream of the day when we'll be together again.With longing and love, Your Bucky

The news hit me like a punch to the face. Large parts of the 107th Infantry Division did not return from their mission in England. Among them – Bucky. I could barely hear the General's words as he announced that many men had either been killed or taken captive. Everything inside me screamed not to believe it, not to accept it. The world around me blurred, and I felt tears welling up in my eyes before I could suppress them. He was supposed to be dead? No. No, it couldn't be true.

I wanted to cry, wanted to scream, wanted to hold everyone accountable for letting this happen. How could they allow him to be... how could he be captured? How did it happen? A part of me clung desperately to the hope that he was still alive. Somewhere deep inside, I felt it – he was alive. He had to be. He simply couldn't be dead. I hadn't heard from him in weeks, and there was no way our story ended like this.

But the General spoke with a final certainty that tore my heart apart: Bucky was listed among the fallen. His words echoed in my ears, and I felt the ground slipping away beneath my feet. Desperately, I searched for something to hold on to in this flood of grief and helplessness. My hands clenched into fists, as if that could prevent reality from overwhelming me. There was no rescue mission planned. It was deemed too dangerous, too risky. The military couldn't afford further losses. But that didn't matter to me. What was the world worth without him? How could I sit here and wait while he... while he might still be alive, held captive somewhere?

Steve was standing next to me, trying to process the news we had just been given, when suddenly he stormed out of the tent, his face full of determination. Without a moment's hesitation, I ran after him, followed by Peggy, who called after him to stay calm and not do anything rash. Inside the tent, I saw him hastily packing his things. His plan was obvious: he would go, alone, to rescue them all, to save Bucky. I knew right away that I would go with him, regardless of the danger. "What are you planning now, to walk to Austria?" Peggy asked sharply, though there was a hint of admiration in her tone.

It was a mad plan, a suicide mission. And yet – I was willing to do anything. I couldn't just sit and watch as time slipped by. Bucky needed us. We all knew the chances of finding him alive were slim, but Steve and I wouldn't give up. "You don't know that," Steve replied firmly. He wouldn't rest until he saw it with his own eyes. And neither would I.

With a brief nod, we were decided. Steve loaded his shield and bag into the jeep. Without a second thought, I climbed in. We would bring Bucky back, or die trying. Peggy hesitated at first, but finally agreed to help us. We drove off, and Peggy made a call to someone.

Shortly after, we were airborne in a small plane, piloted by none other than Howard Stark. The tension buzzed between us, but my mind was elsewhere. "The Hydra camp is in Klausberg, hidden between two mountain ranges. It's like a factory," Peggy explained, pointing to a map. "We'll drop you off right in front of it." As she spoke, I felt tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. My stomach twisted at the thought of what Bucky might be enduring there. He was a fighter, I knew that. But the uncertainty, the waiting, the not knowing... it was unbearable.As Steve prepared to jump, I placed my hands on his shoulders. My heart was racing. "Be careful, Steve... and bring him back to me," I whispered, my voice shaky with suppressed tears. Steve nodded, pulled me into a brief hug, and moments later, he was gone, parachuting into enemy fire. And then he was gone. Everything had happened so quickly, and all I could do now was hope and pray.

Back on the ground, hours—if not days—passed painfully slowly. Every heartbeat felt like a drumbeat, breaking the silence. I sat there, motionless, my thoughts consumed by Bucky and Steve. Even Peggy's hope was wearing thin; he had been gone far too long. At some point, the General came to us and said the words that finally broke me: "As a result, I must declare Captain Rogers dead."

It was too much. First Bucky, and now Steve? A scream lodged in my throat, but no sound came out. I stared blankly, unable to process the world around me. I hadn't eaten in days, a shell of my former self, my once lively spirit gone. Peggy spoke with the General, but her words were muffled, as if through thick fog.

And then, suddenly, chaos erupted in the camp. Soldiers ran, shouting commands. "What the hell is going on out there?" the General barked, but all I heard was the ringing in my ears. When we stepped outside, I saw the soldiers of the 107th, entering the camp. Leading them was Steve. And beside him... Bucky. My heart skipped a beat. For a moment, the world stood still. My knees buckled, and before I realized it, tears streamed down my face again. This time, they were tears of disbelief, of relief.

I ran without thinking, driven only by my emotions. Bucky came toward me, and the moment I fell into his arms, I felt all the weight of the past days lift from my shoulders. He was alive. He was really here. "You're alive, you're alive," I whispered over and over, unable to say anything else. "I told you, I always come back to you," he whispered in my ear, his voice soft but full of tenderness, tears streaming down his face too.

His arms wrapped tighter around me, and I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so safe. Bucky was here. Everything would be okay now. When I looked at him, I wiped his tears away gently with my thumb before he kissed me softly on the forehead. "Everything's alright, Elora. I'm here. I'll never leave you again." Behind us, I heard Steve's voice, making a sarcastic comment to Peggy, but I couldn't stop looking at Bucky.

Nothing could separate us now.