Virginity or virtue. What Really Defines Her?

01. Modern Dating

Hi, my name is Neysa. Will you be my friend? Let me tell you something before you say yes. Wait, come closer. "I am not a virgin, and I am not married yet!"

Having doubts now, are we? I know  after hearing this, some of you will judge me, some of you will understand me, and some of you will hate me to the core.

But I want you to hear me out. Let's have a cup of coffee and then start.

Sugar?

Okay!
Two spoons!

Well, do you know the meaning of my name? No? It means PURE!

According to the world's perception, an unmarried woman is called pure only when she doesn't lose her virginity before marriage.

There are numerous words for women who choose to sleep with a man. Look, my motive is not to encourage anyone, but here I am to tell you the thoughts that run before, during, and after having something that sounds easy and normal.

Hey, it’s way more complicated and tough to accept yourself after a sleepover.

Well, I never wanted to do what I did. For me, sex is so special that it shouldn't be done with a temporary person who turns into a stranger after a while.

There are some things that aren't in your hands. Even if you have not thought about it, it will happen. It’s up to you how you look at it.

No, don’t let the world tell you whether you’re wrong or right. Everyone has at least that sense of what’s right and what’s wrong. They choose what they feel is right at that time.

Have you seen “ GUZAARISH” ? Well, it's a bollywood movie starring Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai, Hrithik plays Ethan Mascarenhas, a former magician who is quadriplegic. He later become  the radio jockey at an FM station called Radio Zindagi.

In one of his shows, he gives a message to his listeners;

“ YEH LIFE BAHUT CHOTI HAI DOSTO. SO GO ON, BREAK THE RULES, FORGIVE QUICKLY, KISS SLOWLY, LOVE TRULY LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY AND NEVER REGRET ANYTHING, THAT MADE YOU SMILE.”

That line always stuck with me.

I have no regrets. Should I sit and think about things?

Tell me something, Is it okay to get intimate if energy meets with the same spark and the urge increases? There was an illusion in my mind. We get comfortable only when we love them, but later I learned that we get comfortable when we are being treated nicely and feel worthy. Also, when things go the way we want.

Now, let me introduce you to my partner in crime,

Crime?

Yes crime, according to society, the world and parents or should I call it a  sin?

Someone I met through a fancy dating app. After swiping left and right for hours, I found 2-3 matches.

When I saw his profile, the only thought that came to my mind was, why do I always go for tall men?

Introducing ABEER

Height 6’2
Complexion: Dusky
Intelligent
IITian 
Magical smile
Relaxing laugh
Waist 28 😉

He and I exchanged names first, as in dating apps only name initials are visible,

We then shared some life stories and daily routines to fix a time to meet in person and laugh together.

I wasn’t sure if I was ready for a date or not. I almost made an excuse to cancel, but decided to give it a try,by  thinking maybe this is how all these modern dating happens.. When I arrived at the location,I saw him sitting straight. He was wearing a white and blue checked shirt with blue jeans. He looked so cute from the side that my first thought was, "Was I really about to make an excuse? I'm glad I came. He's so handsome."

His smile and laughter were infectious, adding positivity and confidence to the moment. I’d never met anyone online like this before, and I felt super, super happy. We didn’t use our phones during the conversation, which made it more genuine.

We didn’t even ask each other about what we were looking for exactly, we were just talking and going with the flow.

After an hour, I asked if we should leave. As we were heading out, he asked if I had walked there. I replied that I had come by auto rickshaw. Being the gentleman he is, he offered to drop me off. I asked, “Are you sure?” He nodded and crossed the road, waiting for it to clear. From where I stood, watching him, he looked like a character from a movie, reminiscent of Cole Sprouse.

He drove a dark-coloured Hyundai Alcazar. During the journey, we shared little stories, mostly about the food we’ve enjoyed in the past. When we reached my place, I showed him my house. Before getting out of the car, I wanted to grab his hand but wasn’t sure, so I controlled the impulse.

Where others had shown disinterest and made me feel unimportant, he listened to all my ramblings with genuine interest. I felt so happy after the date that I went to the temple to thank God for bringing him into my life. Even though I wasn’t sure how long this would last, I hoped he would stay.

As a discussion to split the bill, I paid him my share via Gpay.
I was really curious to know him more and spent some more time meeting him again.

I sent him message on the dating app,

“It was really nice meeting you, it had a mixture of your sweet smile and texture of laughter. I would like to meet with you again”.

I didn’t receive any reply from his side. I waited for one and a half days. Then, i decided to delete the profile from that app and not to meet anyone else now.

I had his number, I  wanted to know if my profile is still visible or not,

Or to be honest, I wanted to ping him and continue the conversation.

‘Hi, is my profile visible?

Nope

I left it on seen
After a minute he sent me a message with a screenshot of my message which I had sent him on a dating app.

“And hey about this message,
I am not in the right frame to start something serious right now, I am looking for something casual, I hope you understand.’

Well, same here! I replied

Oh, that’s great. He added.