Off The Wall-jahseh onfroy

18

it's easier to be happy
it hurts to be sad
i try to be happy for my dad
but at the end of the day it's always bad
i'll never be the same
i tried to be a good kid
i tried everything
i had got some friends finally
what more could i do
what if we didn't go.

well obviously i'm not a sane person but i do it in front of people. why would i mope around all day and bring people's mood down. just because your depressed doesn't mean you can't be happy either. you can still laugh and hurt on the inside

i actually haven't been in the best mindset recently. can't sleep, don't really eat, and just depressed. that's what happens to a girl with ptsd and a bipolar disorder. i go into episodes.

stressful shit like that fucks me up.

and stoke been tryna check up on me. i feel bad because i push him away but he still comes back everyday.

hell this nigga will come to my window and bring me food and watch me eat it

my grandma ain't been home either. her old ass had a business trip or something! she not that old she can do jumping jacks

but still, she left me here. the only distraction i have is stoke but it doesn't stop what i hear in my head.

"lanaiii?" i hear and i shake and turn my head in the direction of the voice

it was stoke at my window

"oh hey!" i say smiling

"can i come in finally? please?!" he begs with prayer hands

i laugh a little and i get out of my bed to open the window up more

he climbs in and falls hard on the ground

"stoke! what the fuck are you good?!" i ask concerned as her gets up rubbing his back

"yeah i'm good, yo you needa get out more." he says looking me up and down

"why, i'm staying out of trouble right now." i say and he sighs

"i mean you need to get back on track, like your obviously depressed. but i'm still here to help you." he says and i crack a smile

"if i go out what are we doing?" i ask and he smiles hard

"a party! well like we gone be performing and shit! you can stay backstage so you'n gotta get hit and shit!" he says excitedly

"stoke your like a little brother i don't have." i say laughing

"but i'm older!"

"that shit don't mean nothing, but i'll think about it."

"yes! okay! so like let's get ready. it's 1:30ish and it's at like 5!" he says pulling my arm

"hold on! i say holding my head"

"you know what, i'll stay in here go shower or something." he tells me and i nod finding some clothes

"this is way to much."

"you mad dirty, talking bout showering too much!" he retorts making me laugh

i flip him off before i leave my bedroom to go into the bathroom

..

after i get out the shower i wrap my towel around me so i can brush my teeth, after i dry myself off and put on my clothes

so today i'm wearing

a black tube top, dark blue ripped jeans and i thibk might put my forces on today. i know i wear the same shoes all the time but i really don't have any besides my vans and air forces or my slides

but i put my towel on my shoulder because i just washed my hair

i walk back into my room to see stoke sleep on my bed so i don't even bother her

i go to my small little dresser  with all my hair products.

i grab my moisturizer and oil.

i'm not really styling my hair but letting it air dry.

but my hair gets very dry once washing it so i need to moisturizer so it isn't too dry.

..

i finished my hair i just braided it and stoke just woke up so now he's just sitting quietly

it was currently 2:48, and i was bored of course so i was just chilling on my phone

i lowkey don't wanna go, but then at the same time stoke is right i can't just be staying in all the time .