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normal thing — gracie abrams " you changed my life, but i guess i'll see ya "
3:14 ───────|── - 0:48 ↻◁ II ▷↺
⌗⁰︎⁰︎°. NEW EMAIL !
TO: therapist who definitely hates me [RE: ignore, ignore, ignore!] 2:15 am
i know you said NOT to get involved again.
...sorry.
i know it's been months since it ended but i just...it's been a long battle of learning to ignore my gut, don't go after the things that we know would hurt me. but she's not the one hurting me, i think it's myself. there's just something about her that i can't shake. have you ever had that feeling...like — deep, deep down that you know it's right??
i'm not really sure when i realized she was my everything. but she was my everything in the sense that she was truly nothing i needed. she made me look inside myself into a place that im not ready to go. i'm not grown enough for that. i'm still trying to ignore those thoughts and feelings.
you weren't kidding when you said i felt like everything was porcelain. i feel like everything i touch is gonna break. everything does break. if i sink into those feels i'll break. i don't want to break again i can't go through that again.
should i just call her again to say goodbye?
i feel like the closure would be good.
whatever i choose to do you'll still be sleeping so i guess it won't really matter...and before you yell at me, i already journaled. it's full. that's why im here. i know you're not awake...at least i hope you're not otherwise this will be really awkward.
i'm rambling. i'm scared and tired and i just...don't know what to do
and i know i broke up with gracie. i'm not trying to make this about me.
but it felt right at the time
really im not so sure anymore. i think she might've sent someone to kill me honestly. (it might also be her)
do you think she's still want to talk? or meet me out somewhere? just to talk. i feel like that might help. i don't know WHO it'll help, but you always tell me to talk through my feelings so really i blame you for this. i don't know. i'm so confused. i keep laughing and im not sure why. is this normal?
