Idiots on the Block - Ranting Book

Centipedes- THE MESSED UP VERSION OF ANTS (Marissa's Version)

Rant By: Marissa

Starburst created a rant about Ants - THE MESSED UP VERSION OF CENTIPEDES. This is my side of the rant.

I HATE CENTIPEDES. I'll be taking a walk in the woods and I notice on my arm a little bug. I take a closer look and see that it has twenty million tiny fucking legs and it's really long. The little fucker proceeds to crawl slowly down my arm, mocking the human I am, trying to insult me by its speed. 

What I Would Say>> AHH!! GET THAT SHIT OFF MY ARM! *flops around, desperately trying to fling it somewhere else*

Here's my little story:

Once upon a time there was a queen ant who decided it would be fun and games to mate with a spider. Only, that spider was deformed and had million legs. The queen ant gave birth to thousands of those little fuckers we call centipedes today.

She realized that she could use her creation to her advantage, and she really loathed humans because they kept on killing her children and destroying her home. The queen ant watched her ugly centipede children grow up and the centipedes trusted the queen ant.

The queen ant had the centipedes in their command and started a war with humans. She ordered General Shitipede to have more of his kind and to divide and conquer. 

There aree many generals, including Shitipede, Fuckipede, Shittypede, Retardipede, Mofotipede, Assholetipede, and much, much more. 

Centipede ambushes happens when:

-you stick your hand in a bush and suddenly they appear on your hand/arm. The green centipedes are sent for this job because they are camouflaged. 

-you're walking in the woods/forest and they fly out of nowhere like ninjas they are. Later you find out they're there because your friend points it out. 

-they find a hole in your house and crawl through it. You find them in your kitchen or bedroom because they either a) are hungry or b) are attempting to kill you in your sleep. 

There are many forms and variation of attacks/ambushes, and I only listed a few. 

**

There's my little story. 

CENTIPEDES SUCK. 

Ants... they are another story.

Here, let me give you examples:

Ant On My Foot

"Oh shit, lemme smush that asshole." 

Centipede On My Foot

"EW, EW, EW, KILL THAT LITTLE FUCKER! AHH!"

Ants aren't a big deal because they're so tiny and don't have a billion legs. Centipedes are because they are out to kill us. 

Picture on the side>> Some fucking ugly centipede. That centipede doesn't even compare to an ant! 

*~Marissa~*