Battle Scars

The child starring at me was intimidating, but there were worse things in life. I thought about home as I started to play with the dog-tags around my neck, starring back at the big mocha colored eyes of the child sitting next to me. Her eyes reminded me so much of Zayn.... “NO.” I thought, “its been a year, get over it.” I struggled to push the memory out of my mind while tracing the lines of the camouflage on my uniform, but just like always, it was useless, and the memory resurfaced.

We were on my doorstep, just standing there as good friends, friends that could talk to each-other about anything, then I told him. “Zayn...I love you.” He had just looked at me, stunned. “Y/N...I...I can't...I'm dating Perrie...”

“I know, I just needed you to hear it before I leave.” I had left for Anderson Air-force base in Guam the next day, not knowing if I was going to come back alive, and not exactly afraid of the other outcome.

I hugged myself tighter as it all flooded back to me, wondered how it could still be so vivid after all this time. That after all the things I had witnessed in the air-force, that that was my most painful memory. I started to play with my hair and dog-tags again to help stifle the memory. “Excuse me, why are you wearing a uniform?” it was the little girl that was starring at me before. She reminded me so much of Zayn it was painful, her deep eyes, her hair color... “I'm in the U.S. Army,” I said gently, “excuse me...” I had to get away, even if it meant jumping out of the plane. I quickly retreated to the bathroom, ignoring the stares I received whenever I wore my military greens in public. “excuse me,” I said again, entering the bathroom, determined to stay in the closet like space until the plane landed. “It's okay, you can get through this, its just a plane ride, just twenty minutes until landing...” I kept reassuring myself.

I finally emerged from the bathroom when I heard the landing gear go down, not caring about the safety protocol called a nylon strap over your middle, and quickly sat down with my pack by my feet, trying to ignore the two eyes next to me. “We have now arrived in New Jersey, temperature around sixty-seven degrees. We hope you have enjoyed your flight and we hope to see you again, thank you for flying with us.” I practically ran off the plane into the terminal, eager to both get away from the eyes, and to see my parents and sister again. And then, there they were. My mom, dad, and my sister, all standing there with a big sign reading “welcome home soldier Y/N!” I ran into their waiting arms, looking into misty eyes and saying “I love you,” for the first time to their faces in over a year, and temporarily, I forgot the pain I carried in my heart. “I'll go get your bags and the car,” and soon they all left, wanting to give me space after all the crying and hugging, knowing that I was probably tired, emotional, and not in a very good mood after traveling half-way across the globe....Of course, they were right, but they didn't know the real reason behind my mood.

“Shit,” I muttered. I hated the stares, after going through hisghschool any look I recieved immediately sent me into threat mode. So I put my head down and quickly walked towards the parking garage, counting on the fact that my family already had my bags and the car ready to go. “Y/N,” I heard a voice say; a voice that I could recognize in any crowd. I looked up, and there he was, dark brown almost shaggy hair, deep brown eyes, lined with impossibly long lashes, and a concerned expression, “Zayn,” I said. The pain was unbearable, I thought that at any point I could be nocked unconscious by the hurt that washed over me. “Y/N...” he said again. “Look I want to be alone now,” I muttered. “Y/N listen to me, I need to tell you something!” he dragged me into the corner by the baggage claim, staring at me. “What the hell!?” I said. “look Zayn, I know what you said, and-” I couldn't finish, he wouldn't let me, and his lips gently met mine. He pulled back and looked deep into my eyes. I felt like he was looking into my soul, feeling the tension in my heart, trying to decide wether to listen and trust or run. “This last year has been torture, not knowing if you were alive or dead, broken beyond repair or just.... You were, and are my everything, you helped me through so many things, you are the most incredible girl I have ever met. I was so stupid not to see it before, and I wanted to tell you, but you were already gone...Y/N...I think I love you...”

EPILOUGE

She looked up at me with eyes so deep and warm, reminding me so much of her father and that little girl on the plane not long ago. He gently hugged me from behind, and then quietly muttered, “I love you” as we both looked at our daughter.