Alpha King Jeon Jungkook || TZUKOOK

CHAPTER 44

"Mommy... where are we? Is daddy here?" I pressed my lips together and took a deep breath as I turned to Ayaan who just woke up. His sleepy and childish voice is cute and lovely but his question tore me apart once again. I don't mind him asking me where we are but him asking about Jungkook made my heart crumple from the pain because I have no answer to give him. I don't even know what to tell him. I chewed the inside of my cheek and sighed forcing a smile at him.

What can I say? Can I tell him that his daddy is gone and those selfish people out there are fighting to snatch his future Alpha position from him? I can't say those truths to a little boy like him. He's small and would never understand how serious the situation is.

"Daddy might be a bit late coming home, baby. And this place, we will be here for a while because our house is cleaned" I lied. I lied looking into my son's beautiful eyes.

First, Jungkook won't be back and second, our house isn't cleaning. But what can I say other than lies? I blew a stressful sigh out and caressed Ayaan's hair controlling my tears so badly. I don't want to cry, no I shouldn't cry but I am not strong enough to stay without crying whenever I see my husband's face when I close my eyes. I've lost him, my children have lost him, what am I supposed to do other than crying and pouring the pain in my heart all over my soul? I just want him back, I don't want to lose him, I just don't even want to think about losing him but unfortunately, everything has happened now and there's no way for me to go back to the past and make him stay home without going on that bloody mission. He could've stayed home, he could've excused himself using my pregnancy, that's what all the men would've done if their wife was pregnant and they had to go on a dangerous mission like that but still he wasn't like that. He left as if all those facts were invisible.

As I felt my eyes were getting watered, I pushed all the thoughts in my head aside and kissed Ayaan's forehead. He looked up at me with his glowing red eyes reminding me of who he inherited those eyes from. I just pushed the thoughts about Jungkook from my head a second ago but now he's back in my mind using his son's eyes. I won't be able to live a normal life from now on. Everything will make me think about him and then I will have to suffer my loss.

......

Days passed so slowly. Every minute without Jungkook felt like a decade to me because my heart knew he wouldn't be back again but still a somewhat weird thought was inside of me and I didn't even know how to explain it. It has been a week since we came here, into this secret house that Jungkook had built. After Jeongyeon took me here, Jin came once to hand over Mickey to Ayaan. After that, no one appeared on the doorsteps, not even Alpha Lee Dong-Wook. I don't know what's happening there and if he began a war. I can't blame him. He had lost his son and now he lost his grandson, although he didn't show any sign of sadness or emotions when he received the news, I knew he broke down from the inside. He stood there like a strong man but his heart must have been the weakest thing in the world after learning that his grandson wouldn't be back. When I think about that moment, I find myself still crying from agony. I couldn't stop myself from shedding tears yet.

I cry... I cry every moment I think about him and every day all I do is think about him. He's not coming back to me but I should live with those memories of him. I need to memorize him every day and believe that he is there for me and becoming a strength for me to take care of our children. I heard the sound of Yuna crying as she disturbed my thoughts which I'm glad for. I immediately hurried my steps upstairs and took her to my arms. She was crying so badly. Wasn't she sleeping a minute ago? Well, that's fine, let me feed her now. I began to breastfeed her but she didn't drink as much as she usually does which made my heart somewhat heavier. What's wrong with her? She kept crying while her hands were clutching onto my blouse. At that moment, Nayeon came into the room.