What have I come to? like, personally?... ig this writing will be more of a public journal entry.
No full names but all true events. Dad found out a lot recently. about CL picking me up. about skipping. about us.. yes, us. its only a matter of time until he finds everything on my phone. I've totally lost all sense of self. I'm not okay. Mom doesn't even want me since I lied. She doesn't get it anymore. no one believes anything I say though 89% of it is the actual truth. What I lie about, how do they NOT understand, is for THEIR OWN GOOD. TRUST ME you do NOT want to know those details about your family. Your daughter nonetheless. I'm tired. I feel alone. I know I have friends but to what extent? I only hurt them by being there. I'm dabbling in worse things now. I can't control my own actions. I don't have the care to anymore. I'm considering things. not like THAT but like leaving town, etc. I just feel so lost. I literally have nowhere to turn except to God. and I KNOW I should. I know I need to. really, really too.. I'm fully aware. I just.. idfk. i feel too far. I know I'm not, but it's so much. and ik ill fuck up again. ik the enemy is winning. but my own fucking MOTHER doesn't care anymore and I can't handle all this. should I take it? Should I swallow it? it helps with depression but will it really? is the risk worth it? or would I not be missed? not in death, but in the death of my personality. Would someone want to restock the old me? idfk.
