A Ray of Sunlight

Chapter 29 - Reflections (Haruto's POV)

Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I swear I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I swear. The rock monster, the remains of the building falling onto instructor, the demon hitting the gray box, the tentacle falling onto Koichi, the explosion, I swear. I don't mean for any of this to happen. Really.

Instructor used to tell me stuff to motivate me and he's really good at it. Once, training was so hard I wanted to die. Anything was better than training. It was a climbing drill. The mountain was really high and I had already fallen multiple times. There were bruises and wounds all over my body because of these falls. My arms ache with every pull and sweat drips down with every second passing by.

Finally, instructor let me sit down and take a break. I gulped down the bottle of water and as instructor treated my wounds, I told him I wanted to quit.

"This drill is not fair! I have shorter arms and legs! It's really hard!"

"And that's exactly why you need to do this drill. What if you're in a situation where flying is not available and you need to climb your way through? You would need practice to use what you have, your short limbs."

"I'll just not go to those places. I'll just stay fighting land monsters. I'll get really good at it too so I only get placed in those environments."

"Haruto, sure you may be placed in mostly those situations but what about the situations where you're forced to climb? Then what?" When I didn't reply, instructor simply smiled. "You never know what fate has for you. It's better to be extra prepared than under." He sat down next to me, lifted my arm and slowly started applying the dark red medicine, slowly blowing on it to reduce the pain.

Feeling slightly humiliated, I asked, "Instructor Yukio, why did you join the defense force?"

"Well, there's a lot of reasons someone might join but personally for me, the purpose is in the name." He wrapped the wound carefully as I curiously waited for the answer. "So to keep it short Haruto, the purpose of joining the defense force is to help people." He chuckled. "It's in the name, Haruto. A little guy like you wants to protect people huh."

I nodded. "There are so many monsters and people who want to do bad things. Even though fighting them off isn't a long term solution, it saves many people from getting killed." I looked at instructor Yukio and he nodded. "I'm going to make the world a better place." I looked at Yukio right in the eye. "A better place, a place where no one has to worry about whether or not they're going to get killed by something."

Yukio chuckled again. "A kid like you is going to make the world a better place?" I nodded again. "You really are a little ball of energy just like what your father said." He stood up and I did too. "You still want to give up?"

I shook my head, the spark in my eyes coming back from this conversation. I'm going to climb that mountain. I am.

"Make the world a better place, ehh?" I told myself and laughed until my stomach hurt. "How can you make this world a better place if you can't even help those around?!" I said, sitting up from my bed. It was 6am and still dark outside.

I'm not sure what happened afterwards but I know I messed up. I messed up everything. That sinking feeling in my stomach sank lower, that chain of guilt wrapping tightly around my heart and my neck multiplied in weight. I just don't know what to do anymore. The purpose of being in the defense force was to help people and somehow, I, a person who wants to be in the defense force, keeps on making problems instead of solving them. I laughed again, trying to keep the rising guilt down but it didn't work. I laid back onto my soft bed and allowed myself to sink into it. My eyelids feel heavy and so I let it drop.

Just then, I heard a loud ring. It was my dumbass alarm clock. I slowly opened my eyes and chuckled, knowing what's going to happen.

No one's going to be waiting at my locker, no one's going to greet me and honestly, I did everything to deserve that. Still, I applied for the internship so I guess I got to go.