Captured by Desire

𝕿𝖊𝖓

RUNRUNRUN by Dutch Melrose

◁ || ▷

That night, after Ruby dropped me off, I didn't call Julia. I told her I'd be getting home late from the dinner party and wouldn't be able to talk. The truth was, I was afraid to. For so many reasons. Mostly, I needed space to sort through my emotions. I wanted time to sit with them, to understand them before saying anything. I knew I'd eventually have to tell Julia that I like women. I wasn't worried she'd judge me or react poorly; that wasn't who she was. But what scared me was the lingering feelings I still had for her. They weren't as intense as they once were, especially with Kamala occupying my thoughts lately. But Julia was my first—my gay awakening—and no matter what, she would always hold a special place in my heart.

I sat on my bed, curled up in my hoodie and underwear, staring blankly at my phone screen. An article was pulled up, full of generic advice on how to come out. I'd read it twice already, but the words weren't really sinking in. I had a plan, though. My parents were flying in from Oregon to visit me here in D.C., and I still hadn't told them about my new job. But more than that, I had finally decided it was time to come out to them. Since I told Ruby, I felt this incredible sense of freedom, like a weight had lifted. It was exhilarating. And now, I wanted that same rush of honesty with them.

As I was reading, suddenly, an unknown number flashed across my phone screen.

"Weird," I muttered to myself, glancing at the screen. "Kind of late for a scam call." I let out a small chuckle and hit the end call button, dismissing it. With a sigh, I returned my attention to the article I had been reading just moments before.

But then it popped up again.

I groaned in frustration, finally giving up on ignoring the persistent calls. Reluctantly, I tapped the answer button and lifted the phone to my ear.

"Listen, I don't know what-"

"Camilla."

I froze for a moment—the voice coming through the speaker was unmistakable.

"Kamala? Why are you calling me?"

"I didn't get to see you at the end of the night."

"That's why you're calling me?"

A heavy silence settled between us, and I realized she hadn't called just because she missed seeing me.

"Why are you calling me Kamala?"

"When is your date with Ruby?"

This time, I decided to give her the silent treatment. I wasn't sure if she even heard, but it definitely explained her timing.

"Camilla," she said, her tone firm and unwavering. "I hear things, even when I'm not around. Why are you going on a date with Ruby?"

"Why does it matter to you?"

"Because she is my assistant, and I believe that's not very appropriate."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes."

I let out a small laugh, rolling my eyes at her words.

"Not to be rude, Kamala, but I don't think our fling is exactly appropriate either," I said, a hint of sarcasm in my voice. "So why would it be an issue if I go on a date with Ruby? It's not like she's going to hook up with me in her office."

"Don't speak to me like that," she shot back, her voice sharp.

"Why?"

"Because I said so."