From body to Love

Prologue

So tired.

His body felt like it was falling apart.

Above him was a pitch-black sky. Meng Fu slowly raised his head, watching as a large patch of dark clouds dispersed, revealing the moon faintly glowing with a hazy halo.

Such a night, it wasn't a good omen.

Meng Fu dragged his heavy steps to the front door. "Xiao Yi, I'm back."

He looked up, pausing mid-action while taking off his shoes. Gu Ze was sitting on the couch, staring at him with a blank expression. Meng Fu changed into slippers, hung his coat on a chair, and said in a calm tone, "Can you wait for a bit? I'll cook my brother a bowl of noodles."

"Meng Meng, you're back." The TV had switched to commercials, and Meng Yi finally came to his senses, his eyes filled with childlike innocence.

"Xiao Yi, watch some more TV. I'll cook you some noodles."

Meng Yi shook his head. "I'm not hungry. This big brother brought me food." He pointed to Gu Ze next to him and added, "Big brother, I've seen you looking for Meng Meng a few times, but I still don't know your name."

"Xiao Yi, don't ask." Meng Fu stopped him. "It's time for bed, go to your room."

"But I haven't finished watching my show." Meng Yi said with a hint of grievance, "Meng Meng, look, the commercials are over." He pointed excitedly at the TV, which had resumed broadcasting the program.

Gu Ze remained silent, glaring at Meng Fu with an expression that seemed as if he wanted to tear him apart. In a low voice, Gu Ze commanded, "Go shower."

Meng Fu's heart skipped a beat.

That command felt like a slow, excruciating death. A thousand cuts, yet the final blow only delivered after the body was already torn apart.

"Xiao Yi, go to bed. Tomorrow I'll bring you a cake." Meng Fu negotiated with Meng Yi one last time.

"Alright," Meng Yi agreed reluctantly for the sake of the cake. At the door, he turned back as if he had just remembered something, "Big brother, what was the food you brought today? It was so good. I want Meng Meng to buy it for me next time too."

"Chocolate. It was my wife's favorite."

"Oh, I see. Meng Meng, next time buy it for me too, okay?"

Naturally, it had to be something cherished by his wife. With every step, each minute detail, and every passing moment, he was persistently reminded: he was responsible for his wife's death. He ought to feel guilty. He was deserving of torment. He was worthy of the pain, the suffering.

"Alright, I'll buy it for you next time."

He agreed, waiting until he was sure Meng Yi had gone into the room and turned off the lights, before heading to the bathroom.

After a long, exhausting day, he still had to deal with this man at night. These endless, repetitive days made him long for his days in prison. At least back then, without freedom, there wasn't this kind of emotional exhaustion.

"Meng Fu, how long are you going to stay in there?" Gu Ze's voice echoed through the bathroom door, deep and firm.

Afraid that Gu Ze might suddenly open the door and see his current state, Meng Fu hurriedly replied, "I'll be out soon."

Wearing a bathrobe, Meng Fu opened the door to see the dim light casting shadows on Gu Ze's stern face. The man was leaning against his bed, playing a mobile game, with no sign of desire.

Why torment him like this if he didn't even like men?

Then again, maybe this method of torment was Gu Ze's way of easing his hatred, if only a little.