Alice's POV»
Harry opened the door of the car for me and gently took my hand. I wasn't sure what I was doing anymore. Everything I'd worked so hard not to show had all come bursting out in the last hour, all because somebody I barely knew had made me feel like they cared. Oh, but nobody cares Alice. You've been cutting for years and no one, not a single soul, has said anything. He probably doesn't care either. I don't know why he's even here. I'm just another girl to him.
We've reached the front door and Harry stops for a second. "Is it safe to go in?" he asks.
"Yeah, it's always unlocked," my answer feels mechanical. My body has been put on autopilot. That's when Harry scoops me up bridle style and carries me through the door.
"Where to then?"Harry asks once were in my living room.
"I want to go to my room. It's in the basement, so turn the corner here, through the door, down the steps, to the right, down the hall, and last room on the left." Harry carries me all the way there, even down the stairs. When he gets to my door he opens it and lays me down on my bed. I sit up and sit against my headboard, then Harry sits next to me.
"What now Alice?"
"We could watch movies until dinner, I heard you like Harry Potter, I've got all eight movies," I suggest. I don't really want to talk. Movies could help my cause.
"Alice, I want you to tell me why you do that to yourself," Harry says bluntly. " I need to know how I can help."
I take a deep breathe. "You can't help and your not going to understand either. It's to long and hard to explain, and you don't really care so why even bother to ask?" I feel Harry's hand take mine again.
"For the second time, I DO care, I don't know why, but I'll stay here with you until I know your alright. Your going to sit with me, Alice, until I've heard it all, and I'm sure you haven't left something out, and that's all there is to it," Harry says sternly. He grabs my waist and pulls me to him. I feel lost. Lost in my owns thoughts. Where do I even begin?
"Harry," I whisper, " I don't know where to start. It could take forever to explain half of it, my thoughts are just so tangled up and...and they just hurt, Harry. They hurt and that's what you see when you look at my arms. I'm just...broken."
Harry's POV»
I'm just broken. Her words bounce around my head. I grab her arm and I point to one of the faintest scars. " Tell me how you started cutting. What you used, what you were feeling, who was involved, what you were thinking when you did it. It's all important to me."
Her body shakes against mine with each breath she takes and I hold her in my arms closer than before. She feels so fragile here. "I think it was an accident. I'm not sure. Maybe I'd been thinking about it because of the things my mother's said. Maybe because of the things that happened when I was little. But I want to say it was an accident, because if it was an accident, then it's my fault, and I have another reason to keep doing this. Harry, it's always my fault. If you give me a problem then I'll give you a couple reasons for why it's my fault or how I'm just not good enough, and that's why there's a problem."
"What do you mean you're not good enough?" what she's saying is kind of confusing. "No one's perfect, Alice."
"No Harry. I'm not good enough. I don't do good enough in school. I'm not good enough in sports. I don't work hard enough at anything. My hair isn't good enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not anything! I'm just not good enough. And no one wants someone who's just not good enough." She tried to push herself away from me, but I pulled her up to me so that we were face to face like we were at the park.
"But I want you." There it was out in the open. My heart was beating like crazy, and she was so close. Every cruel thing she said about herself made my heart bleed. I wanted to make everything alright for her. So I brought my lips to hers.
We spent hours like that. I'd quit asking her about her scars, that needed time I think, but I did ask about her family and such. Those questions seemed to end in tears with no real answers, and I'd kiss her just to make it better for a moment. I was going to have to take things very slowly.
It was about seven when she decided it was time for dinner and she lead me up the stairs to the kitchen.
"What should I make?" Alice asks me with a spoon already in her hand.
"Um... I have no idea. Anything you think sounds good," I honestly have no idea what sounds good.
"Great! I'm making breakfast then!" I don't understand. She was literally just bawling into my shoulder, and now she's jumping with joy? "We can make pancakes, bacon, and eggs. There's orange juice and milk in the fridge."
"Okay that sounds great. What can I do?" I've decided just to go along with whatever she's doing. I don't wanna she her cry again.
"Do you wanna help me with the pancakes? I'm pretty sure I've got chocolate chips somewhere, too," she starts searching through multiple cupboards all at once. She grabs a bag and throws them underhanded to me.
The first couple pancakes we made were perfect. Alice always knew just when to flip them, and she flipped them over perfectly too. Then she handed me the spatula. I managed to pour the batter on, but after that things went down hill. I splattered everything within two feet of us with batter the first time I tried to flip my pancake. Alice, who was now sitting on the counter, scooped some up on her finger and smeared it across the side of my face.
"You shouldn't have done that, Alice," I say menacingly.
Her face pales a bit and she jumps off the counter quickly. "Harry, what are you gonna do?" I tackle her on the kitchen floor, and grab the bowl full of batter off the counter as I hold her down with my weight.
I use one finger and smear batter on her forehead, on her nose, and all over her cheeks, the whole while she squirms and protests under me. "Okay, Harry! I think that's enough!"
"Okay, just one more for good luck, love," I dip my finger in the batter for the last time and smear it across her lips. I lean over her and lick most of the batter off her lips, then I kiss them until I'm sure all the batter is gone. This has Alice silent. She leans up and kisses me. This is the second kiss we've shared that hasn't come from depression.
Some how I wind up on my back and Alice has her legs on either side of me with the batter in her hands. She dips her finger in just as I had and smears it on my lips the same way. Her kiss is sweeter than mine though, and she takes her time with me. She tells me to hold on for a second as she turns the stove off, and I just stay on the floor right there.
Alice comes back quickly and we take turns using the batter. Eventually, though, we stop, and just lay there content, together.
"Alice, love?"I ask.
"Yeah, Harry." She answers.
"Will you be mine?" I ask, gently as I play with her hair.
"Only if you promise me something," she replies.
"What's that?" I say.
"That you wont try and fix me, but you'll be there when I need you most," her voice sounds firm.
"Even if you'd said no I'd be there for you. Do you honestly think I could just leave you?"
"Plenty of people have left me, Harry," now her voice is barely audible.
"I'll never leave you. I might have to go on tour and such, but if you need me I'll come back," I say. "Maybe you could go with me, too."
"Thank you, Harry." We lay there for a few more seconds, but Alice gets up. "I need to shower to get all this batter off of me. I won't be long. You can eat pancakes and watch TV and I'll be back soon."
"Okay, love, hurry. I probably need to shower too."
"k."
(Vote please! and comment! I loved writing this chapter. It's sweet and playful :) )
