"Here I am When I open my eyes I am at the end of a long night It's warm when I feel our hands holding each other's And my heart starts beating"
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Why did he hate Jiwon so much?
For years, his anger and resentment had been fueled by what he thought was betrayal. But now, everything he thought he knew seemed wrong. He scrutinized his feelings, searching for the truth behind his animosity. And then, it hit him - a painful realization that made his gut twist.
He wasn't angry; he was jealous. Jealous of everything she had, of the life she built without him. He had assumed Jiwon would stay, stay for him despite everything. But she didn't.
She left, chasing her aspirations while he remained stuck. Memories flooded his mind: their laughter, their late-night conversations, and their shared dreams. Eunseok thought their bond was unbreakable, but Jiwon's departure shattered his illusions.
As he reflected on his emotions, Eunseok realized his jealousy masked a deeper truth - he missed her. He missed her sparkling eyes, her infectious smile, and her unwavering optimism. His anger dissipated, replaced by a deep longing. For the first time, he saw Jiwon's departure not as a betrayal but as a reflection of his own fears. Fears of being left behind, of being insignificant.
This newfound understanding marked the beginning of a journey for Eunseok. He began to question his own choices and motivations. Why had he stayed in the same place, unable to move forward? Why had he let his anger consume him? The answers, he knew, lay in confronting Jiwon and his own demons.
Eunseok couldn't shake off the turmoil brewing inside him. His thoughts lingered on Jiwon. The garden's serene atmosphere, usually a balm to his frazzled nerves, now seemed insufficient. As he stood lost in thought, Kun's gentle query broke the silence.
"Can't sleep?" Kun asked, settling beside Eunseok on the garden bench. His warm smile faltered as he sensed the depth of Eunseok's distress. The night breeze carried a lingering chill, a reminder of winter's reluctant departure.
"Sleep seems expensive to me"
Kun chuckled, fading into contemplation. He gazed upward, where clouds obscured the stars. Eunseok recognized the concern etched on Kun's face and sighed.
"You can tell, huh?" Eunseok asked, eyes drifting downward. Kun nodded, invitation-like. "Something's bothering you. Want to talk?" Eunseok hesitated, weighing the comfort of secrecy against Kun's genuine interest.
The silence between them lengthened, filled by the soft rustling of leaves and distant night sounds. Finally, Eunseok spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "Jiwon." Kun's eyebrows arched in surprise. "I made a mistake" Eunseok continued.
"I regret everything"
"People are meant to make mistakes" Kun said softly, his words carrying a gentle wisdom.
"People are weird. Whenever things go wrong, they tend to blame others first. It's not about you; I'm not blaming you. I have no intention of doing so. It's just people's mentality"
Kun's eyes seemed to hold a deep understanding, as if he had witnessed countless scenarios unfold. "When people are hurt, they rarely try to understand others' perspectives. It's understandable, really. Pain can be overwhelming. But" he paused, his voice taking on a contemplative tone, "one day, everyone regrets it."
"Regrets of not trying to understand" Kun placed a reassuring hand on eunseok "Regrets not forgiving. Regrets letting hurt dictate their actions. We're all guilty of it, Eunseok. But recognizing that pattern is the first step toward change."
Kun's words hung in the air, inviting Eunseok to reflect on his own actions.
Would anything change? Would things ever shift between him and Jiwon?
Eunseok's mind was consumed by doubts and uncertainty. Since Jiwon left, his life had been a bleak and desolate landscape, devoid of vibrancy and purpose. He realized too late that she was his anchor, his guiding light, and without her, everything felt off-kilter. The weight of his mistakes bore down on him, making it hard to breathe.
As best friends, they had shared countless moments, laughter, and secrets. They had been each other's rock, supporting and understanding one another through life's ups and downs. Now, he was consumed by regret, unable to shake the feeling that he had lost a part of himself.
Insomnia taunted him, leaving him awake and lost in thoughts of Jiwon. His days blurred together, a never-ending cycle of longing. Eunseok couldn't shake the feeling that his life was on hold, waiting for Jiwon's return. He wondered if she would ever forgive him, if she would ever come back. The uncertainty was suffocating, making it hard for him to focus on anything else.
Memories of their time together flooded his mind: their late-night conversations, silly jokes, and deep talks. Eunseok's heart ached, yearning for the comfort of Jiwon's presence. He missed her smile, her laughter, and her unwavering support. Without her, everything felt empty.
She was the only sane thing in his insane life
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