Cold Air December

Part 1

I knew what would happen today, but in the end, I couldn't say that I had handled it properly.

I had always given my all, sparing no effort to do what I could. I didn't compromise when it came to what needed to be done. I knew that hard work would lead to success, and I had confidence in my ability to achieve it.

So, even this time, I thought I had done everything I could. I had conveyed all the feelings I needed to express and made clear all the things I deeply desired from the bottom of my heart.

However, it was different from the way I usually handle things.

What I do is gradually built up through thorough preparation; it's not something done all at once, putting everything into one blow like that.

There was too little room for error.

There was no time.

I didn't have the confidence or the means to make it happen.

That's why I struggled.

It was a desperate last resort, something very unlike me.

It wasn't the same as the effort I usually put in to accomplish something.

But still, without a doubt, that was my true intention.

In the end, Sakuta, when he makes up his mind, doesn't listen to anyone else, no matter what they say.

That was what troubled me the most. Yet, I couldn't completely deny it either because it had once saved the old me. That's why I came to like him.

As long as I loved him, I couldn't reject that part of Sakuta entirely. It was impossible to negate the way he is, the very reason I fell in love with him.

I began to feel like I might not be able to stop Sakuta.

That's how it felt.

Day by day, I had made him listen to what I said.

I had made him act as I wanted.

From small things to less significant matters, I had always held the reins.

It had been that way from the very beginning.

The reason was simple-it was because I was older than him.

It started there, and continued like that.

However, unfortunately, when he sets his sights on what must be done, he won't even listen to my requests.

He runs off on his own, ignoring even the words of his girlfriend, leaving me helpless.

He probably cares about me deeply.

I know that.

Because he cares, he tries to protect me.

As a result, to avoid causing me trouble, he shoulders everything alone.

Ironically, the more he cares for me, the more I'm left behind, ending up alone.

We cannot share the burden together.

That reality was frustrating and sad beyond words.

But this time, I needed him to listen to me, or else everything would fall apart.

If not, everything would be out of control.

And now, there was nothing I could do but wait for him.

The choices were far too extreme.

It was either that the person I was waiting for would come, or the phone would ring.

The former meant the best outcome in the world for me, but the latter meant the worst ending imaginable.