I feel unlovable. everyone that's supposed to care doesn't. it infuriates me how badly I just want to be loved, and I'm fucking judged for it. the way I wanna be loved, the people I do love.
I never had a real fucking childhood. I can't fix that, and I'm angry I can't. because I'm aging backwards, and as I get older I become more and more childish. I like older men because they make me feel young. like I'm allowed to act like a little girl, and it's okay.
because all I've ever wanted was safety and comfort from the world. someone to hold and hide me from it, because no one ever has. I want to feel safe.
I need to puke.
