just my thoughts

jigsaw

and before anything
i'd break myself.
i'd tear myself apart.
i'd rip my skin off.
i'd pull the hair out my skull.
i'd break my bones.

i'd make myself fall apart like a jigsaw.
letting you put back the pieces together however you'd like. and never complain.

never utter a single word.
never show disapproval.
never make you stop.
never let you leave.
never show my tears.
never show my feelings.
never let the 'real me' interfere.
never let you have a reason to go.
never say anything. never do anything.

and in the end you still leave.
i stay. in the shithole i let myself fall into.

my heart and soul cries. my body doesn't move a muscle.
my eyes are shaking. the tears aren't coming.
my chest is burning. my mouth won't open.
my ears are ringing. i can't hear anything, and yet i hear all the voices from deep underneath. voices that are not even mine, and still feel somewhat familiar.
my head is spinning. i can't make sense of anything.

everything is blurry, feels so oddly distant.
my body's breaking. my body's tired.

i'm tired.
i'm tired..
i'm.. tired..

and for once...