What was I made for?

Chapter 1: optimism

The dark of the night, the moon was shining against the stars, my long silky black hair shined with my white kimono with light orchids that had a yellow outline, my dark brown eyes shined with optimism, in the distance I saw my mother. She had beautiful long black hair that went to her ankles. had sage green eyes, beautiful clear skin. Nice and fair, light pale skin like the sand of a lake. She was so beautiful standing right here. At night she hummed a song to me about a fox. Who was lost in a river of despair, when she met a fellow lost fox just like her she found who she loved dear and close to her. My mother is very dear to me. I hugged her tightly. She just got back from the forest. My mother collected a plentiful of goods and raspberries. Raspberries were my favorite. It was dusk already then my mother said to me "go inside please, i don't want you to get a cold. Makima lets go." as i walked in with my mother she name was mary i was in the house to realize that my dad was gone for the mongol war. He was such a good man and father. "Mom?....Am I still young?" My mother responds "Yes of course, what makes you say that?" I just start to tear up. My father made this sacrifice for our family, my family in fact I look at my mothers sage eyes "I love you ... .Mom.." she just hugs me to comfort my tears streaming down my face. We both go into the cave we call 'home' stepping in feels good in the comfort of the air, optimism is filled with tears, sadness and grief. I lay on my tatami mat. Hoping for happiness. In return from my despair...hurt, depressing life of hell of a life for me oi just want my mother happy just for her. What was I even made for such a hell of how evil and cruel the world really is? Honestly, I want to get out of here...Forever in life it's never easy to have life like mine..i just happen to cut myself on my pan. It was a small incision on my hand wrapping it with silk that's white the blood seeping through the white silk. I just dilute the cut with water from the river. I endure the sharp pain, "shit" god it hurts but i get through it i lay down and fall asleep hoping for a new day.