Desire (wlw)

VI.

Lea

I stood in front of Isabel's apartment door, my hand frozen in mid-air, not quite ready to knock. My heart wasn't in it. Not today. After that talk with my mom, I felt emotionally wrung out, like I'd been squeezed dry. And the last thing I wanted was to walk in and face Isabel's biting attitude. It was exhausting—our constant arguments, the tension that never seemed to let up. Normally, I'd be prepared, ready to throw a jab before she could. But today, I couldn't.

I pressed my forehead against the door for a second, closing my eyes.

Why do I have to deal with this right now?

I could feel the frustration building again, the leftovers of my conversation with my mother. I hated that my dad uses her to get to me, even after all these years. The pressure, the constant expectations—it never stopped. And here I was, about to walk into another battle with Isabel. As if I hadn't had enough already.

I took a deep breath, shook off the urge to turn and walk away, and knocked lightly on the door, hoping for once, things wouldn't spiral out of control. But who was I kidding? This was Isabel, and nothing ever went smoothly between us.

The door opened, and there she stood—Isabel. Her long black hair was down, the soft layers framing her face like it always did. Her hazel eyes caught mine immediately. The way she looked at me...even if it was just for a moment, there was something unspoken in her eyes, something I didn't want to deal with right now, not after the mess of emotions from earlier.

I forced myself to break the stare just as she said, "Come in."

I stepped inside, trying to ignore the slight tension that thickened the air. Her apartment was... exactly what I expected it to seem like. Cold, like her, but then my eyes fell onto one corner of her apartment, full of dance slippers and canvases.

She still paints.

There were traces of her personality everywhere, even if she tried her hardest to seem like she didn't have one.

I could feel her eyes on me as I walked further into her space. I swallowed, making my way to the couch.

Just finish the stupid song and get out of here.

"Not what you expected?" Isabel asks me as I drop my shoulder, allowing the strap of my bag to fall from my shoulder and into my hand.

"It's fine," I say quietly, avoiding eye contact with her. I drop my bag on the floor and sit down, pulling out my sheet music and notebook.

Isabel sighs and makes her way over to the open space in front of me. "We need to solidify the timing today. I can't work with your music when it's all over the place."

I nod, searching my notebook for the notes I had written down earlier regarding the key change and time signature for the song. "I know, I'm almost done with it."

"Almost done doesn't help me," she huffs, her tone sharp.

I stay silent, pretending to look through my notebook while I self-soothe. I can feel the pressure building up in my chest.

Do not cry. Not here, not now.

"Are you even listening?" She pesters, clearly trying to get a reaction out of me.

"Yeah," I say dryly, not even bothering to look up at her.

To my surprise, she turns her back to me and starts marking parts of her choreography based on what I have so far. For an entire hour, we go without speaking or even looking at one another. I thought of a simple chord progression and pulled my laptop out, playing with various melodies before I finally settled on one. I layered it with various harmonies and other instruments to make the song sound fuller. I cleaned up the parts that needed to sound softer, giving it more clarity. When I felt satisfied with how I arranged it, I saved the song and transferred it to a flash drive. I sighed and turned the volume up, pressing play.