This is the story of Ayame, a young artistic gymnast who, due to a stroke of fate, can no longer practise her sport. In search of a new purpose in life, she comes to Sendai from her home town of Sapporo by chance to work in the house of a famous fig...
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Once again, Yuzuru couldn't sleep. He wanted to try what the doctor had recommended him.
"You need to change your day/night rhythm," Toshiro-sensei had told him. "You're awake all night and sleep into the day. Your biological rhythm is out of kilter and you need to get a grip on it!"
Yuzuru knew that he had been ticking the wrong way for years. There was nothing wrong with staying up a few extra nights. But for so long he had only trained at night and his body had developed a false sense of when he should rest.
So now he was tossing and turning in his sheets again, it was 23:33 and a time when he was normally on the ice. But as he wasn't on the rink due to the prescribed training break, he was now trying to get his sleep rhythm under control. And that wasn't so easy.
His thoughts went round in circles and he remembered the meeting with Ayame, which would soon be part of his everyday life. In three days, on July 1st, she would start working as his housekeeper.
Somehow, he couldn't let go of this woman. She was strong and determined at the same time, but also somehow seemed vulnerable and very, very mysterious to him. Her gaze had caught him and touched something in him that had stayed with him since their first encounter. It was this kind of understanding that he thought he recognized in that look.
"You like her, don't you?" his mother had asked him. He had just shrugged his shoulders. Because when Ayame had left, but his mother had stayed with him for a while, he had almost immediately fallen back into the lethargy that had been haunting him all day. He didn't feel like answering his mother's questions now.
"Please, Okāsan... would you just leave me alone? It's been particularly difficult for me today, and I've spent all my energy on this conversation. I did what you asked for, we found a housekeeper. I just want to rest now."
"All right then. But please, do me a favor and eat properly, will you?" Yuzuru sighed, he had thrown away everything that was left. And cooking? No way. He would probably have to order in. "Yeah, I will, I promise!"
Yumi had gone, and he had stayed behind, feeling lonelier than ever.
It had been another week since that day, and in the meantime he had had a doctor's appointment with Toshiro-sensei, which was actually cause for celebration. According to the lab results and examinations that the doctor had ordered, Yuzuru's body was in perfect condition, apart from the old injuries. The only thing he had to attest to was general exhaustion and strong tension due to the prolonged overload.
"You need to make sure you relax more and really let go," Toshiro-sensei recommended. "You know all those yoga positions, breathing exercises and... hm... the other, special things you could do?" The good doctor cleared his throat and looked Yuzuru straight in the eye, who obviously didn't understand what was meant.
There was no answer, and after a few embarrassing moments, Toshiro-sensei sighed. "Oh dear, Yuzu... you're a 31-year-old man and you need to relieve tension!... Do you have someone for sex? Do you masturbate regularly?" he asked him almost reproachfully.
Yuzuru turned deep red up to his ears. He hadn't thought about that at all! He was so caught up in his condition that he hadn't even considered the possibility for a long time, let alone carried it out.
"I... I..." he stammered. "I met up with... her... secretly... a few more times after the divorce..." he began hesitantly. Toshiro-sensei raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I didn't know that!"
"I didn't talk to anyone about it either!" Yuzu lowered his head. "It... it was kind of weird, too. We couldn't really open up to each other after everything that had happened and it got tense. It didn't do us any good, no, it hurt! Not necessarily physically... but we knew all the time that we could never be together again, the way we actually wanted to be. So we stopped seeing each other after a while and lost sight of each other completely. And after that, I had... well... more or less... professional contacts only. I wanted to avoid... being hurt again. It hurt so incredibly, Toshiro!"
The doctor was silent for a while, he understood immediately. "I know it's hard to think about sex when everything feels like it's falling apart around you. But it's been almost two and a half years since that story. You should still try, if not with someone, then with yourself alone!"
All this came back to Yuzuru's mind when he couldn't fall asleep. Perhaps now was the time to put the doctor's advice into practice...? He could at least try. Because he was feeling the tension more and more, also because of the upcoming changes in his house.
So he finally started a playlist of his favorite love songs on his music app to get in the mood.
"I can't believe I'm doing this..." he mumbled to himself. "But, the doctor ordered it!"
And so, for the first time in months, Yuzuru laid a hand on himself...
