Not Waving, But Drowning || Lee Know Centric

t h r e e

My bed has never felt so warm and comfortable. It's dinner time, and my members still haven't come back yet.

They're working hard, even though they don't need it.

But you do, Minho, yet you're home.

I came straight to the dorms after the whole 'incident' and left everything there.

Now they're gonna have to carry YOUR bag.

You're making things so much harder, just like always.

I heard the door open from downstairs, a bunch of groans from the kids. I smiled to myself.

They really worked hard.

I should do the same, yet im not.

"Minho hyung made dinner?" Hyunjin asked, looking at the pan on the stove.

I decided to do something nice for them and made them dinner since they've been working so much. I hope they like my cooking. At least that might be the only thing that they might not hate about me.

"Fuck, it's so spicy!"

You messed up.

You know Bangchan can't handle spice.

Why the hell did you add sriracha?

Fucking hell, Minho. I didn't think you could get them to hate you any more, but somehow you did.

"Minho? You awake?" My body jolted from the sudden voice which brought me back to reality. I turned around and saw Seungmin smiling like a cute puppy.

"Yeah..."

"Wanna join us for dinner?" He said, his voice softer than silk. I've always been envious of his talents. So unique yet so beautiful.

Unlike mine.

"I already ate, don't wait for me." I lied, but he somehow bought it and smiled before closing the door shut.

If im planning on losing weight, I better do it as fast I could.

Eating dinner could ruin everything.

As if it hasn't already been ruined.

A few hours have passed and the house got quieter by the second. It was eleven pm yet I still couldn't sleep, so I decided to waste it by writing in a diary I found from my trainee days, which I never used.

Maybe one day, when I stop being a burden, I'll look back in this book and start laughing at how pathetic I was.

But remember, one day.

And that day definitely isn't today.

I heard another knock on my door, and I quickly hid my diary under my bed before whoever was at the door would notice. It was Seungmin again, this time in pyjamas. They were pretty tight, hugging his body tightly. He looked gorgeous. Perfect, even.

Everything I wanted to be.

"Hey Minho... can I sleep with you tonight?" He whispered, coming out almost undetectable but I still heard it. I smiled warmly, it probably looked weird, I have an ugly smile, unpleasant to look at.

I'll spare him from having to look at how ugly I am.

Should probably do that everyday.

"Of course, come here." I patted the seat next to me, and he smiled before flopping on the bed beside me and lying his head on my chest.

Fuck, you probably took up all the space in the bed, so now he has to lie on you.

Maybe if you weren't such a fat pig, this wouldn't happen if you had just-

"Minho, are you okay? Your heart is beating very fast, am I flattering you?" He wiggled his brows, looking at me sheepishly.

Of course you are, Seungmin.

Just look at yourself.

Perfection.

And im the exact opposite.

"How'd you know?" I replied sarcastically, and he laughed out loud before sitting back down and drifting to sleep.

I wonder if he can feel how fat my stomach is through my shirt. I should've worn a hoodie, even if it's thirty degrees outside.

Beauty is pain, Minho.

You wouldn't know about that, know would
you?

"Minho?" He said again, but visibly tired. I hummed a simple 'hmm' back.

"You know you can tell me everything right? Please don't drown in your thoughts, we're always here for you."

What the hell?

Why would there be something wrong?

I'm alright, im doing all this for the best.

Right?

"I know..."

Do I though?

Do I really?