strong enough [crossover]

xvi. the beach day episode

trigger warnings: references to past abusive relationships, intense discussion of mj's sexual assault

*

"Here's what I'm thinking," Rose says at breakfast. She spreads her hands wide, eyes glittering. "Beach day."

In the time between finishing their cooking lessons and now, MJ and her friends have gone on a few adventures. First, the Doctor took them to a carnival on a planet called Korax. They rode a ton of rides, ate lots of food, and the Doctor and Jack competed over who could win the girls more stuffed toys — MJ won without trying. Then they ran from evil cat robots in the 62nd century. Rose still has scratches on her ankles that haven't healed. After that, they went to and were almost immediately banned from the Glass Pyramid of San Kaloon. Most recently, they went to Wicked's opening night on Broadway. It was MJ's first Broadway show — Rose's first too — and it was amazing.

Crazy development: MJ might be a theater nerd now. The costuming alone had her swooning in her seat.

And now Rose wants to go to the beach.

"Why the beach?" the Doctor asks, crinkling his nose.

"I want to go swimmin' in the ocean," Rose says simply. A cheeky grin crawls across her face. "And I want to see Jack shirtless."

Jack smirks. "And I want to see you in a swimsuit, Rosie."

"Oh, I love the beach," MJ sighs dreamily. "Swimming in the ocean, sunbathing on a towel, reading a good book, having a picnic in the sand..."

The Doctor pushes his oatmeal around in its bowl — despite all their training, they always keep breakfast simple — and stares into the distance thoughtfully. "S'pose I could take you guys to Thalassa."

MJ perks up. "Is that a planet named after the Greek personification of the sea?"

"It is!" the Doctor says, beaming. "It's a beautiful planet and the people, the Thalassians, are lovely. But the best time to go is during their Festival of the Trees. It's the only time of the year when the beaches are empty 'cos they're celebrating the forest and the spirits they believe inhabit it. They're not allowed to go to the beach. It's illegal and sacrilegious."

"Is it illegal for us to be on the beach during the Festival?" Rose asks.

"'Course not," the Doctor says as if it should be perfectly obvious. "We're not Thalassians, are we?"

Rose claps excitedly. "Yes! Beach day!"

MJ smiles uneasily and goes back to eating her food. It's only just now occurred to her that she hasn't been in a swimsuit since Luke shattered her confidence. Usually, she wears two pieces, but the thought of her friends seeing her scars makes her stomach turn. No, she'll have to wear a one-piece. Does she...does she actually own a one-piece swimsuit? Maybe she'll make up some lie about not feeling well and send them along without her.

Honestly, it wouldn't be a total lie. Because they still haven't talked about the elephant in the room, and they never will because why would they? What MJ saw as a betrayal, Rose and the Doctor saw as a meaningless moment. It's haunting MJ, but they've already forgotten it ever happened. But isn't that how it always goes? MJ's always reading too much into things, always obsessing over stuff that doesn't matter, always blowing things out of proportion and catastrophizing. It's who she is. It's who she's always been.

When MJ gets back to her room, she searches every nook and cranny for a one-piece bathing suit but no, she doesn't own any. And that used to make perfect sense to her because she used to love what she saw in the mirror. She used to smooth her hand over her scars with a proud smile because she survived. Surviving is all a demigod can ever hope for. Now she tries not to look in the mirror. She smooths her hand over her scars with a grimace. She covers up to hide the imaginary imperfections and she cuts herself down and she is who she's always been, but she's not the girl she used to be.