I stand here, in a sea of gray,
Jealousy, my constant shadow,
Thoughts that steal my breath away,
Guilt weighs heavy, like stones up upon my chest.
I feel the shame, for these thoughts I entertain,
For the visions that open my eyes yet close my heart's domain.
Intimidated by men who circle like hawks in flight,
Anger swells within me as she speaks to them.
Those who've got to known her as I have, and what of me?
I stand here with this storm raging inside of me.
She says there's nothing; open the snaps, take a look,
Yet fears linger on, despair is the hook.
You are my light, the only one I can be true,
But why these thoughts? Why this fear that sticks to me like glue?
Why do I wish to cut deep into my skin?
Why do dark thoughts make living feel like a sin?
Why live recklessly when so much is at stake?
I want to love you without these chains that ache.
Without shadows that haunt me and doubts that gnaw away,
And I wonder if freedom will ever find its way.
In this battle of heart against mind's cruel design,
I hope for an escape, for a day to call you mine.
A day when I can say "I love you" without fright,
Without burdens or jealousy dimming our light.
A day when simply living feels like a gift anew
But until then I stand here with all my questions in view,
With all of my fears and hopes intertwined,
And pray that love will one day leave darkness behind.
