IPTYFM

CHAPTER XXlX

“If that’s what you want, I’m more than willing.”

It was the first time Johann had wanted me first. Until yesterday, he had seemed solely devoted to satisfying my desires.

“Uh… Johann… I’m getting tired.”

“You don’t have to do anything, Rize. I’ll take care of it.”

“But you’re not letting me stay still, and that’s hard too.”

“Then let me just stay inside. That’s enough for me, please.”

But that day, he continued to fulfill his desires, comforting and coaxing me, even when I was too exhausted to feel anything more.

Finally, Johann was consumed by me.

Even as my body felt limp, unable to even lift my head, supported only by Johann’s hands like a cloth doll, my heart was filled with joy.

It was like a sequence of events I had longed for was happening. It felt surreal, almost like a dream I was having in the middle of the wedding mass.

“Rize, have my child.”

When Johann, who had always opposed talking about children, caressed my lower abdomen that was holding him inside, I was convinced it was a dream.

But when I woke up from a light sleep, it wasn’t a dream.

I wasn’t sitting in a church, but lying in a bed. The soreness in my hips wasn’t from the hard church pews but from the man who woke me up with wildflowers tickling my nose.

“…Johann?”

“Did you sleep well?”

When I opened my eyes, Johann sat on the edge of the bed, extending a bunch of red and white poppies to me.

It was already evening.

Still groggy, I took the flowers and stared at them blankly while Johann tidied my tousled hair with his hand. I looked up at him and was struck by a realization.

Even when he looked at me with a smile, Johann always seemed sad. But now, the shadow of sadness that used to follow him was nowhere to be seen. He was all smiles, radiating only light.

“The reception at Anna’s house is in full swing.”

“Ah, the wedding…”

We had slipped away from another couple’s wedding and made love from noon onwards.

What if they ask why we disappeared? What should I do?

As if reading my worries, Johann responded.

“I told Anna and Paul you were feeling unwell.”

“Ah… thank you.”

“Rize, you don’t need to thank your husband for everything.”

Johann hugged me and helped me sit up.

“Get dressed. Let’s go to Anna’s house before it’s too late, eat and even dance.”

It was the first time he suggested dancing.

My husband had changed.

What happened to him today?

* * *

“From now on, we live as an ordinary married couple.”

I didn’t understand why Johann made such an obvious vow, but as time passed, I came to comprehend its meaning.

Johann had changed. He was no longer the husband who seemed so strange to me.

He no longer speaks in riddles, looks sad when he should be happy, or hesitates or avoids being intimate with me. It was truly a remarkable change.

Moreover, since that day, Johann started expressing his love for me much more passionately and actively. He would transcribe poems about love from the books he read, draw pictures, and offer me romantic letters…..

“My love.”

“Oh…”

He often appeared suddenly and kissed me deeply, interrupting me while I was picking grapes from the vineyard.

“Take a break.”

“Johann, you’re not suggesting taking a break in the cabin where I’d be working even harder than I am now, are you?”

“Would that be so bad?”

He also started initiating relationships more frequently, even outdoors. This devout and dignified man was the first to suggest it.

“God is watching.”

“Rize, love is a gift from God. He too would be pleased to see His children sharing that gift.”

“My goodness, Johann… I’ve never heard a sermon so devout and yet so frivolous.”

It seems there has been a change in Johann’s once fanatical devotion as well. The man who used to attend mass every morning and visit the church frequently for prayers now only goes on weekends and holidays. He has also reduced his solitary prayers to just before meals and bedtime.

Now, he spends the time he used to devote to prayer with me. I used to feel like God occupied the largest part of Johann’s heart, leaving me in the background. But now it seems like I have taken God’s place.

The phrase ‘God is watching’ no longer has any effect on Johann.

“Johann, at this rate, I would be so tired I won’t be able to pick all the grapes before sunset.”

Since Johann became more passionate, I, paradoxically, started to become less obsessed with being physical with him. Even though my desire for him hadn’t cooled down.

A fish in water doesn’t get thirsty. Clearly, I had my stomach full by Johann’s outpouring of love.

But the stomach fullness that I truly sought hadn’t been reached yet.

Johann, who was worried that I might die giving birth, said he would only consider having a child if I met a condition he set.

“If you can chop firewood non-stop ten times.”

Chopping firewood? That’s a bit much.

I had never chopped wood before, not even before I lost my memory. I could see that because no miraculous skill emerged the moment I picked up the axe.