Scumbag Falls for Fiance After Breaking Engagement(ABO)

Chapter 53: The Nest I Can't Return To

　He Mingfeng didn't say anything for a long time. This reaction was tantamount to acquiescence. The secretary's chest rose and fell, and the worry and fear of the whole day turned into anger. "Your behavior is willful, absurd, and extremely selfish! Where is your responsibility and belief in the empire?!"

　　"I'm sorry, but I'm not a machine. Before any identity, I'm first a living person with emotions... I don't want to shirk responsibility, but I really have tried my best." He Mingfeng has accumulated 300 pages of handwritten manuscripts for a long time. Every time he imagined himself dying on the battlefield, he would write down a solution. "War brings casualties. My life is not more valuable than a soldier's. A mature army will not collapse because of the death of anyone. There are many people who can be marshals. It doesn't have to be me. Even if I die, the battle will still be fought tomorrow, and the sun will still rise."

　　"You are talking to the marshal of the empire, and I just want to give myself, He Mingfeng, a chance to end my pain." The wide back of the chair began to tremble, and the vibration became more and more intense. The leather chair suddenly turned around. He Mingfeng half-propped himself up, with veins on his forehead and bloodshot eyes. He roared in despair and despair: "If there is a bird that flies in the air for five years without touching the ground, but can't find its nest, will it want to die? If one day, it finally sees its nest, but is still rejected, will it want to die?!"

　　His calmness finally broke, his wound burst due to the force, the boundless pain and the smell of blood spread in the room like a substance, as if the heavy rain filled the whole room, there was a suffocating sense of oppression, the stunned secretary heard his heavy breathing and whispering: "I know there is something wrong with my mood, I took the bottle of medicine, but it's useless. I am sick, but those medicines are useless! Every day is too uncomfortable, I really can't hold on, I have had such thoughts many times before, but this time, I can no longer suppress that thought... The child's parents and lover are waiting for him to come back, but who will wait for me?"

　　"My mother died a long time ago, and my father...ha! He wanted to take away everything I have and give it to my "good brother" as a 'compensation'. They are a family. And my sweetheart...I hope he won't be sad for me, but I also wish he could shed even a tear for me."

　　He Mingfeng looked at the secretary and said, "You know how I have lived these years. Do you think I applied to be transferred to the front line for the sake of responsibility and trust?"

　　Do you miss me? I did it for him. We were very happy, and he used to love me very much. But I was too unsatisfied and too self-righteous, and I ruined everything! The feeling of regret is too painful, so I also want to... ruin myself. "

　　He fell back into his chair as if exhausted, closed his eyes and said softly, "If a person is determined to die, you can't stop him, but you can rest assured that I am only ridiculous this time. How ironic! As a marshal, I have the power of life and death, but I don't even have the right to die. Even wanting to end my own suffering is selfish. I am back alive, and I will continue to suffer, continue to suffer, and continue to fly in the air until the day when God completely frees me - I really hope it will be soon."

　　Behind the glory and glamour are all brokenness and thorns. He Mingfeng took out his rotten heart and showed it to him. With just a few words, the secretary was almost drowned by this hopeless emotion. He murmured, "Marshal, you shouldn't be so negative. In fact, many people admire you. You are a hero of the empire..."

　　"Hero? I'm not afraid of death on the battlefield, not because I'm brave, but because life is boring. How much of the image we present to others is fictional and how much is ourselves?" He Mingfeng smiled bitterly and said, "I'm actually the most hateful coward. I didn't dare to admit that I loved him before, and now I don't dare to admit that I lost him."