The Things We Leave Unsaid

Chapter 1: Home Again

Life with him was always dangerous, frustrating and painful. Life without him has been almost the same. I don't talk much about him because pieces like that, pieces of him; just need to stay in the past and that's where I decided to leave him. But today; everything changes.

"Britt. I love you, but if you don't come start waiting these tables we're going to have some serious problems!" Anna laughs as she loads up another tray.
"I love ya, I'll be right there." I say before finishing my writing and closing my journal.
I walk to the last set of five tables. I've only been home for three weeks now, and this job might suck but being back with Anna really feels good.

"We should order in for dinner!" Anna says, snapping be back out of my thoughts once again
"I don't really have the cash for that. I'm staying on your couch remember?" I laugh as I toss the cleaning cloth into the hamper.
"Oh stop! You can stay for as long as you need. I love having the company! It's on me tonight."
"It's always on you!" I give her a side eye before letting out a sigh and grabbing the keys.
"Let's go home!" I say tossing the keys up air toward Anna
"Wait. Who said I was driving?"
"Me. You're never gonna pass that test next week if you don't get in your practice now and I love you but I'm tired of driving you to Jeff's every single night." I say, walking toward the car
"Okay. It's not every night and I only go there so I don't bring him over. I don't want to interfere with your space!" She claims crawling behind the wheel.
"Please. It's your apartment!" I laugh

We start down the road and maybe I should be but I'm never scared of Anna driving. I give her enough shit but she's gonna pass this driving test and get her full license. It's only a 15 minute drive from the bar to our apartment anyways, and I sleep or write most of the time.

"What do you write in there anyways?" She asks, eyeing my book slightly
"Hey! Eyes on the road!" I say, hugging my journal to my chest.
I never talk about what's in here and she knows it.
"Everything. I write everything." I say
"That tells me so much, thank you!"
"The point to a journal is it's private. You're not supposed to know." I laugh and close my journal once again
"We should have a party this weekend!" She says and I sigh
"I can't afford that. And before you say you'll cover me. Absolutely not! I almost have enough saved to start looking for an apartment." I say
"Stop. I literally have no problem with you being with me. And plus I have the whole fridge full, we can swing by and grab a few half bottles from the bar and keep it low key." She suggests
"If you say so." I sigh again
Don't get me wrong I party, drink, and all the fun mid twenties thing. But after what I went through six months ago, I've put myself away for a little bit... or a lot a bit.

"Tomorrow then! Friday, we both get off at 3, it gives us lots of time to hangout and get ready and then we can have a few people over to the apartment! It'll be like a welcome home party."
"I got here three weeks ago" I say looking at her as she pulls into the apartment parking garage
"And did you have a welcome home party? I think not! So tomorrow it is. Maybe you can finally meet Jeff! Knock some sense into him, tell him to buy me a ring!" She smiles and throws the car in park.
"You two have only been together a year, what's the hurry?" I ask as she turns the key.
"Come on little one, you have SO much to learn." She says looping her arm and walking us towards the apartment entrance. Little does she know I didn't have a lot to learn, I've already been through this...
All of this.

"Is it him again?" Anna asks lifting her slice of pizza to her lips to take a bite. I know who she's referring to which is why I immediately flip my phone face down to the table and continue chewing. Anna sits silently giving me the same impression I've always been scared of after ending a long term relationship.
"You know you can talk to me, so why don't you?" She questions, holding only sadness in her eyes.
"It's not important. And it's over with so why drag it out." I shrug and take another bite
"Because clearly he is, and he can't keep calling and texting you or you can't keep ignoring him forever. Don't you think it's better to discuss whatever happened between you too and move forward? A clean break? Fresh start?" She walks to the sink, setting her plate down and leaning on the counter.
"I'm here aren't I? That's the only fresh start I need." I say with a smile. I know she can see right through me, and she's right I will have to talk to him sooner or later; but what's the harm in waiting for later?
"Britt. I don't know the details but you never saying anything about it and just showing up at my doorstep three weeks ago says enough on its own. If there's trouble here, you need to tell someone." She says
"No trouble. I promise. He doesn't even know I'm here so he won't cause any problems." I promise her, setting my plate down beside hers
"Nobody around here heard from you for five years until three weeks ago. You travel to work, and back home. You never go out anywhere in fear that someone is going to see you, recognize you."
"I'm fine Ann. I really am." I say grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. The conversation between us goes cold again. Anna has been trying to get me to talk to her since I got here, I just haven't opened up and just like every other time this conversation comes to play, it drops, things get cold, and Anna goes back to her smiling self.
"Fine. But you're on dishes duty tonight!" She says kissing my cheek and headed toward the washroom
"I want a nice relaxing bath before tomorrow night!" She sings out and I smile.
It's good to be home but I wish my problems didn't follow me here.
"I wouldn't have it any other way!" I yell back with a laugh and turn toward the sink. Even though there is probably only about ten dishes placed in here, it reminds me of the same duties I played for five years.
My phone starts humming again against the wooden table. I walk over to reveal the screen again, letting out a sigh and pressing the red button.
"This isn't happening. Not anymore." I whisper to myself. Setting my phone back down on the table and getting started on the dishes.

I'm glad I'm home but I wish I could break away from my past. Instead of a clean break from my problems, they keep following me and it scares me to know that he can find me if he really wanted too.
I push my fears away and wash the last dish before draining the sink.
My problems will stay my problems and I'll deal with them when I have too for now I need to make sure everything stays quiet and nobody else gets hurts.
I wipe the tear from my eye, grab my phone and head to the couch, where I get cozy with a blanket and a book.
After a few moments, my eyes flutter lightly and I drift off to sleep... taking my problems and fears to bed with me.

••••••