Between The Devil and a Good Man

Chapter Seven

The bathroom had been thrown into an unwavering silence at the revelations coming from Tommy Shelby. He spoke honestly with Rose about what he was capable of doing to another man, the anger and pain he felt inside at every moment of every day that never seemed to ease no matter what he tried to do to stop it. He spoke about how he often felt like he was in a hurricane; his entire body shaking as his mind tried to remain calm and rationalize the feelings he felt within himself.

She had remained silent, listening to every word that escaped him, and he was witness to the sheer concern in her eyes. Her gaze would be weave from him in moments where she needed to look away at the brutality of his descriptions, her hands tightly grasped together as she felt as though she needed to hold tighter to the reality that surrounded her. He never raised his voice nor allowed it to fill with the anger and venom that seeped into his veins, knowing that if he did, she would leave the room and he would've lost her completely in that moment.

The Tommy that sat before her was the tender, kind and loving Tommy she was used to. But the man he described to her was someone entirely different. She wasn't used to him being so angry and violent; a stark contrast to the man she had first met when he was injured in France. She had felt a strange pull towards him, one that she couldn't describe nor control, and she had often asked herself whether fate had something to do with them meeting all those years ago.

"What I do... is something I can't control," Tommy whispered, his voice hoarse from tiredness. "My brother drinks and fights other men to feel adequate, in control. I do what I do to control my emotions because if I don't, I will break, and I can't do that. My family deserves this man sitting in front of you. I take all their burdens and worries, and I live with them so that they don't have to."

"But..." Rose began, attempting to rationalize his reasons for dealing with his actions. "You don't have to shoulder their pain and carry it with yours. You don't have to do that."

"Then who will?" Tommy asked, his voice level and calm. "I've thought it over a thousand times and I come to that answer every single time. I don't want to be like this, but I have no choice. In order to keep my brothers alive and to stop them from doing crazy shit, I have to do it."

Rose quietened then. "Are they always innocent or is there a reason for your violence?"

"There always has to be a reason for something," Tommy explained. "You told me that."

"Don't." Rose warned, her voice stern, eyes narrowed at him. "Don't you dare make my words be the reason for your actions, or for the violence you cause to others. Don't make them be an excuse."

"It isn't an excuse, Rose," Tommy stated, sighing slightly as he acknowledged her warning tone.

"Answer me truthfully," Rose said. "Are they always innocent or is there a reason for your violence?"

"My job... it comes with perks," Tommy explained. "People bet on horses and I get paid. My family gets to eat because I'm able to put food on the table. The men that come to me with their hard-earned money, they're the monsters that take food away from the table that could feed their children for a week. That could clothe their children for months. But they would rather bet on horses that will never be good enough to win the race. So..."

"So, you're playing Devil's advocate?" Rose muttered. "Is that it?"

"Those men, Rose, lose their money," Tommy raised his voice slightly but took a deep breath. "Sometimes they win. Sometimes they lose. Big time. They win, and they piss it up the wall. They lose and come to me for a loan. I give them that loan that they have to pay back, and when they don't... the Shelby boy's come knocking."

"And then what?" Rose asked. "You beat them up in front of their wives? In front of their children?"

Tommy shook his head. "It's not like they don't know the price of dealing with us. It's a vicious circle. They work for me. I pay them their wage, thinking they'd do the decent thing and feed and clothe their family, but they spend it all on betting on horses and chasing that dream of a big win. You must understand, we don't force them into betting on the losers. And they know the cost of them losing their money."

"I can't believe this," Rose whispered, standing with a wince and hobbling towards the window that overlooked the garden cloaked in a dark blanket of night. She wasn't sure what time it was but in that moment, she didn't care how late it was. The alcohol was still in her system, and she knew she would regret the amount she had consumed when she woke. Rose placed her bottom upon the window frame, taking a pew a good distance away from Tommy, and she noticed that he had remained where he had been. His eyes burned into her soul and she felt goosebumps scatter across her skin like a wildfire taking hold.

"What I do doesn't stop me from being a good man, Rose," Tommy justified. "I just have different ways of doing things and that's fine. You still save people, even after all that loss over there."

"Stop," Rose seethed, sadness beginning to seep into her heart. She felt angry in that moment. How dare he bring up such a sore point when he knew how much it affected her? Even to this day, she still knew the names of the men she was unable to save. Their names burned in her mind like stars glistening in the night sky, a constant reminder. "How dare you? How fucking dare you?!"

"It's true though. You still have hope. You still have that goodness in your heart when you saw the true horror over there," Tommy whispered, emotion clinging to his voice. "You saw the loss over there and I know you still feel it, but you still wake every morning and you go to work and you help people who have no idea what it's like over there. You're still a good person. You could've allowed your heart to be consumed with hate at the world, but you didn't. And I fell in love with you for that. I don't deserve you."

Rose looked away from him then, and his skin felt bare. The intensity of her gaze had always been something he was used to and enjoyed the feel of. But knowing she had looked away from him out of anger and sadness was almost too much to bear.

"I'm going to bed," Rose said, deadpan. "The spare room is still made up for you."

She made to move, and Tommy bowed his head. Her bare feet padded against the floorboards as she hobbled cautiously past him. She felt him reach out for her, the familiar electric bolt coursing through her body. She stopped as soon as she reached the door and bowed her head, closing her eyes for a moment. Their hands remained held together though Rose made no motion to move.

Tommy stood and pulled her to him, noticing the way her body moved towards him with ease. He wrapped his arms around her though her arms never moved from her sides. After a moment, she lifted her arms and wrapped them around his waist; her hands clasping tightly at his shirt.


"I loved you," Rose whispered, her sad voice muffled against the material.

"You can still love me," Tommy whispered, his voice equally as sad.

Rose began to sob into his chest and he held her close. There was nothing he could say now to make the situation better and they both knew that; it had been unraveled in front of them and they both had to deal with the new change in their relationship. Though it hadn't been what Rose was expecting to hear, she couldn't help but love the man that now held her close to his body, who held her to him as the sobs wracked through her.

She pulled away after a moment and shook her head. "If I asked you to stop, would you?"

Silence and hesitation filled the air around her, and it seemed to answer her question. Rose pulled away from him at that moment. Tommy reached for her, but she yanked her arm back.

"I'm too far gone, Rose," Tommy admitted shamefully. "I don't mean to... but it's a part of me. And I hate it. I despise it with all of my being."

"Am I not enough for you to stop the violence?" Rose asked, her voice and heart breaking.

"You are, but..."

Rose closed her eyes, defeated. "I get angry sometimes, Tommy, but I don't go out of my way to cause harm to people. Why? Why do you do it?"

"There's people out there who do bad things," Tommy clarified.

"Yes, and you're one of them," Rose whispered as she turned her back on him and opened the bathroom door. She hobbled down the corridor, wincing as she tried to quicken her pace. She felt Tommy move slowly behind her, keeping at a distance as he knew she wouldn't want him close to her.

A door handle could be heard opening further down the corridor, and Rose froze in the darkness. Tommy watched with a narrowed gaze as Hettie opened her bedroom door and inspected the young couple with a furrowed brow. She sighed after a moment before she tutted.

"Young love isn't always what it's cracked up to be," her voice filled the corridor. "But this... whatever is going on... has to stop."

"I'm sorry that we've woken you," Tommy began. "I was just leaving."

"Don't be silly," Hettie exclaimed. "You'll do no such thing."

"Let him go," Rose muttered in response. Her voice was tired, and all she wanted to do was curl up in bed and allow sleep to take her away for a short time.

"If I learned one thing from loving a man is that you should never go to bed after having an argument," Hettie stated. "I was married to my husband for many years and we fought like cat and dog for all those years, but I never once hated him. We never went to bed angry with each other because we didn't know what the next day would bring. So, I'm not letting the both of you throw away a good thing for God knows what."

"Hettie, please," Rose pleaded with the older woman, but they were left unheard as the woman made her down the stairs. When she didn't hear the couple follow her, she tutted and sighed.

"Am I going to have to drag the both of you down here by your ears because I bloody well will," Hettie scolded, and after a moment, both Rose and Tommy followed after her. Rose struggled with the stairs but shook her head at Tommy as he attempted to help her. Once they were all downstairs, Hettie led the way into the kitchen. She began to boil water and ushered for them both to take a seat at the table.

As they reluctantly sat down, they watched in silence as Hettie worked her way around the kitchen. She took note of the silence emitting from them both and rolled her eyes.

"It's strange," Hettie began. "Neither of you were this quiet upstairs. What's gone wrong in paradise?"

When silence was her only answer, she rolled her eyes once more. She busied herself with making the tea in the tea pot and placing the cups on the table. She allowed the tea to brew in the pot as she took a seat herself.

"Is no one going to tell me?" Hettie asked, noticing the way Rose glanced over towards Tommy. He felt her eyes burn his skin and turned to look at her. Rose quickly averted her gaze onto the woman. "Okay... I'm going to tell you what I think is going on because it's obvious from your silence that you care about each other more than you want to admit in this moment. So... we begin... I think the two of you love each other so much that sometimes it hurts. You're young and naïve, and you think you know everything about each other, when in fact, you know nothing about the other."

"I..." Rose began but was shushed by Hettie.

"You finally decide to speak up? It's my turn, sweetie," Hettie responded, and the young woman quietened. "Love is hard at the best of times. If love was so easy, everyone would be in love. Some people choose to live alone and they're happy. Some people can't live without love. And I must admit, when I lost my husband, I was lost. I married at eighteen and it was the best thing I ever did but looking back now, I'm wise enough to admit that I was too young. We both were. I loved him, don't get me wrong, but you don't know yourself at that age. I didn't love him when I first met him, but I grew to love him, and he was the best thing to ever happen to me."

Hettie fell silent then, noticing she had both of their attention upon her. She poured the tea carefully and handed them a cup each.

"But when I see the two of you, so young and in love, it breaks my heart to hear you argue like that. You found each other when there was nothing but loss around you both, and I can't imagine the pain you feel in your hearts," Hettie continued, her voice growing sadder. "But you deserve the love you both give each other. I've watched you both and you're both happier than a cat that got the cream. But let this be a lesson to you both, and when I'm gone, remember this... don't give up on each other because you'll regret it."

Rose allowed the tears to fall from her eyes. She moved her hands towards Tommy's that laid upon the table and squeezed it gently. Tommy glanced over at her and felt his heart break into a thousand pieces.

"I hurt people," Tommy spoke up. Hettie turned her attention to him with a questioning look. "I hurt people who do me or my family wrong."

"I know," Hettie began, her face softening. "I heard you through the wall. And I understand your reasons for doing it. But I also understand Rose's reaction. I have one question for you both. What brought the both of you together?"

Tommy glanced towards Rose who lifted her gaze to him. He answered for them. "The war."

"That's right," Hettie nodded. "Don't let the war you both have raging in your hearts destroy the very foundation of your love. Hating each other will destroy everything else, and you're just hurt. And that's okay."

"I was going to give you this," Tommy began, taking his hand away from Rose's and tugging at his pocket. "I wasn't sure when, but it was going to be soon. But, before you give me an answer, I just want you to know that I have loved you for as long as I've known you and I never will stop loving you. And I understand if you never want to see me again, I do... but just know that you are the reason why I'm able to go to sleep every night without the fear of the nightmares that drown me often because I know I'm always going to wake up next to you."

Tommy laid a small simple velvet box upon the table.

"I know I do things you don't understand but my love for you has never changed. And I will change. I just need time to heal properly, and I'll find other ways to do that, I promise," Tommy whispered. "My promise to you. Always and forever."

Rose's eyes never wavered from him as he spoke from the heart. She didn't need to see what was in the box for her answer was known as soon as his words filled her ears. She knew he wasn't a monster and dealt with things in the only way he knew how. Rose felt Hettie's attention move towards her and she felt her skin prickle with anxiety as she took a deep breath.

"Yes," Rose whispered tearfully. "I don't understand but I love you nonetheless..."

Tommy closed his eyes then, counting his blessings, and closed the gap between them. He wrapped his strong arms around her and felt her melt into him; all the confusion and anger escaping from her and being replaced with love and admiration for the man that had claimed her heart all those years ago. She didn't understand but she didn't have to; just as he didn't understand her need to save people after the bloodshed she had seen over in France. Though a Shelby life was never simple, they didn't need to understand anything else for he was hers and she was his.